CHAPTER XIX
A SUDDEN RESOLVE
The first three weeks of term slipped away with little to mark their going. Rhoda was sweetly polite to Dorothy in public, but on the rare occasions when the two met with no one else within sight or hearing, then the ugly spirit that was in Rhoda came uppermost, and words of spite slipped off her tongue. It was almost as if she was daring Dorothy to speak of that incident which occurred in the showrooms of Messrs. Sharman and Song. For the first two weeks Dorothy had been top, but the third week Rhoda was above her—a fiercely triumphant Rhoda this time, for it had been a heavy struggle, and by nature she was not fond of work.
Dorothy had not been able to do her best at work that week; the term was going so fast—the end was coming nearer and nearer. She felt she could win the Bursary if only she could be free in her mind that she had a right to it. It was the fear in her heart that she was in honour barred from the right to strive for it which was doing her work so much harm just now.
Her mental trouble had to be kept to herself—it would have done no good to go about wearing a face as long as a fiddle. This would have excited comment directly: it would probably have ended in the doctor being called to see her, and he would have stopped her work. Oh no! She had just to wear a smiling face and carry herself in a care-free manner, taking her part in every bit of fun and frolic that came her way.
It was in the early mornings that the trouble hit her hardest. She would wake very early, when the day was breaking and all the birds were starting their day with a riot of bird music. Then she would lie sleepless until the rising-bell rang, and she would search and grope in her mind for a way out of the muddle.
She was lying in this fashion one morning while a cuckoo called outside her window and a blackbird trilled from the top of an elm tree growing just outside the lodge gate. What a cheerful sort of world it was, with only herself so bothered, so fairly harassed with care!
Suddenly a wild idea flashed into her mind. She would tell the Head about it, and then the responsibility would be lifted from her shoulders. What a comfort it would be to cease from her blind groping to find a way out!
With Dorothy to resolve was to do. But for that day at least she had to wait, for the Head had gone to London on business and did not return until the last train.
It was a little difficult even for one of the Sixth to get a private interview with the Head. Try as she would, Dorothy could not screw her courage to the point of standing up and asking for the privilege. In the end she wrote a note begging that Miss Arden would permit her to come for a private interview on a matter that was of great importance to herself. Even when the letter was written there was the question of how to get it into the hands of the Head. But finally she slipped it with the other letters into the box in the hall, and then prepared to wait with what patience she could for developments.