It disappointed her the least little bit that Uncle Bob let the suggestion drop so readily. And she was disappointed at her own disappointment. “Can’t you ‘carry on’ at all?” she demanded of herself, scornfully. “It was all your own doing, you know.” But how she did long at times for Aunt Jessica!
Of course, Elliott couldn’t cry, however much she might wish to, with the family 260 all taking their cues from her mood. She said so fiercely to every lump that rose in her throat. She couldn’t indulge herself at all adequately in the luxury of being miserable; she couldn’t even let herself feel half as scared as she wished to, because, if she did, just once, she couldn’t keep control of herself, and if she lost control of herself there was no telling where she might end—certainly in no state that would be of any use to the family. No, for their sake, she must sit tight on the lid of her grief and fear and anxiety.
But there were hours when the cover lifted a little. No girl, not the bravest, could avoid such altogether. Elliott didn’t think herself brave, not a bit. She knew merely that the thing she had to do couldn’t be done if there were many such hours.
One day Bruce heard somebody sobbing up in the hay-loft. The sound didn’t carry far; it was controlled, suppressed; 261 but Bruce had gone up the ladder for something or other, I forget just what, and, thinking Priscilla was in trouble, he kept on. The girl crying, face down in the hay, wasn’t Priscilla. Very softly Bruce started to tiptoe away, but the rustling of the hay under his feet betrayed him.
“I didn’t mean—any one to—find me.”
“Shall I go away?”
She shook her head. “I can’t stand it!” she wailed. “I simply can’t stand it!” And she sobbed as though her heart would break.
Bruce sat down beside the girl on the hay and patted the hand nearest him. He didn’t know anything else to do. Her fingers closed on his convulsively.
“I’m an awful old cry-baby,” she choked at last. “I’ll behave myself, in a minute.”
“No, cry away,” said Bruce. “A girl has to cry sometimes.”