T’ History o’t Haworth Railway.
Before I commence mi short history o’t Haworth Railway, it might be as weel to say a word or two abaht Haworth itseln. It’s a city at’s little knawn, if onny, it history o’ England, though ther’s no daht but its as oud as Methuslam, if not ouder, yet with it being built so far aht at latitude ov civilized nashuns, nobody’s scarcely knawn owt abaht it wal latly. T’ finders ov it are sed to be people fra’t Eastern countries, for they tuke fearful of em e Haworth it line o’ soothsayers, magishuns, an’ asstrologers; but whether they com fra’t east or’t west, they luke oud fashun’d enuff. Nah t’ city is situated in a very romantic part o’ Yorkshur, and within two or three miles o’t boundary mark o’ Lancashire. Some foak sez it wer t’last place at wer made, but it’s a mistak, for it lukes oud fashun’d enuff to be t’first ’at wer made. Gert travellers sez it resembles t’ cities o’ Rome and Edinburgh, fer ther’s a deal o’ up-hills afore you can get to’t top on’t; but e landing you’d be struck wi’ wonder and amazement—what wi’t tall biggens, monniments, domes, hampitheaters, and so on; fer instance, t’Church, or rather the Cathedral, is a famous biggen, and stands majestically o’t top at hill. It hes been sed at Oliver Cromwell that wor so struck wi’t appearance at Church an t’ City, altogether, wal he a mack a consented to hev it the hed-quarters for the army and navy.
The faander o’ t’ Church is sed to be won Wang-be-Wang, won et Empror’s o’ China as com ower in a balloon an’ browt we him all his relations, but his granmuther; the natives at that toime wur a mack a wild, but i mixing up we t’ balloonites they soin become civilized and big’d t’ Church at’s studden fra that time to nah, wit exepshun o’ won end, destroyed at sum toime, sum sez it wur be war. Sum sez west and an t’ saath end wur destroyed, but it’s a mack a settled on wit wiseuns it wur wichcraft; but be it as it may Haworth, an’ t’ folk a’tagether is as toff as paps, an’ hez stud aht weel, an’ no daht but it wod a flerished before Lunden, Parriss, or Jerusulum, for sentries back, if they’d hed a Railway; but after nearly all Grate Britten and France hed been furnished we a Railway, the people i Haworth began to be uneazy and felt inclined no longer to wauk several miles to get to a stashun if they were bahn off liks. And besides, they thout it wur high time to begin and mack sum progress i’ t’ wurld, like their naburs ’t valley. So they adjetated for a line down the valley as far as Keighley, and after abaht a hundred meetings they gat an Act passed for it i Parlement. So at last a Cummittee wur formed, and they met wun neet a purpose to decide when it wod be t’ best convenient for em to dig t’ furst sod to commerate and start the gert event. And a bonny rumpus there wor yo mind, for yo may think ha it wor conducted when they wur threapin wi wun another like a lot o’ oud wimen at a parish pump when it sud be. Wun sed it mud tak place at rushberring, another sed next muck-spreading toime, a third sed it mud be dug et gert wind-day e memory o’ oud Jack K—. Well, noan et proposishuns wod do for t’ lot, and there wur such opposistion wal it omust hung on a threed, wether the railway went on or net, wal at last an oud farmer, wun o’ the committee-men, we a voice as hoarse as a farm yard dog, bawls aht, I propose Pancake Tuesday. So after a little more noise it wor proposed and seconded at the Grand Trunk Railway between the respective tahns of Keighley and Haworth sud be commemorated wi diggin t’ furst sod o’ Pancake Tuesday, it year o’ our Lord 1864; and be t’ show o’ hands it usual way it wor carried by wun, and that wor Ginger Jabus, and t’tother cud a liked t’bowt him ower, but Jabus worn’t to be bowt that time, for he hed his hart and sowl i the movement, and he went abaht singin—
Cum all ye lads o’ high renown
At wishes well your native town,
Rowl up an’ put your money down
An’ let us hev a Railway.
We Keighley folk we are behind,
An’s sed to wauk agin wur mind;
But sooin t’ crookt-legg’d uns they will find,
Weel kap em we a Railway.
Well, hasumivver public notice wur made nawn, be the bellman crying it all ower t’taan, wich he did to such a pitch, wal he’d summat to do to keep his hat fra flyin off, but he manijed to do it at last to a nicety, for the news spread like sparks aht of a bakehus chimla; and wen the day com they flocked in fra all parts, sum o’ the crookt-legged uns fra Keighley com, Lockertown and the Owertown folk com, and oud batchelors fra Stanbury and all parts et continent o’ Haworth; folk craaded in o’ all sides, even the oud men and wimen fra Wicken Crag and the Flappeters, and strappin folk they are yo mind, sum as fat as pigs, wi heads as red as carrots, and nimble as a india-rubber bouncer taw; and wat wur t’ best on’t it happened to be a fine day; for if it hed been made according to orders it cudn’t a been finer. Shops wur all closed and ivverybody, oud and young, hed a haliday aht o’ t’doors, for they wur all flade a missin the Grand Processhun, wich formed itsel at the top o’ Wuthren, when it wur messured, it turn’d aht to be two miles six inches long—it moved as follows:—
ORDER OF PROCESSHUN.
The Spring-head Band wi their hat-bruads turn’d up so as they mud see their way clear.
Lord et Manor i full uniform a fut back bearing Coat of Arms for Haworth, a gert wild cratur wi two tails on, one et awthur end.
Two citizens wi white cravats raand their hats.
The Members et Corporashun one-abreast singin “a nuttin we will go, brave boys.”