Random Rhymes and Rambles

by Bill o'th' Hoylus End

If my advice yoh want, poor things,
An cannut do withaht it,
Go arm yor seln to th’ teeth, he sed,
An’ doant be long abaht it;
Both rakes an’ powls an’ props an’ ropes
Yo cannot get ta sooin,
An’ take the Cowinheeader’s plan
When they discuver’d the mooin,
Doant gape abaht, but when yor arm’d
Take each a diffrent rowt;
And let yor cry be ivvery man,
Th’ poor railway’s up the spout.

It wurnt long afore they gat arm’d—sum wi clothes props, muk forks, ropes, and so on, and there wor some competition yo mind, for they wur all trying which could mak best movement so as they could immortalise their names it history of Haworth, for there wur one Joe Hobb, a handloom weaver, browt his slay boards, and as he wor going dahn th’ hill he did mak some manœvures, an’ talk abaht fugal men it army when they throw their guns up into th’ air and catches em again, they wur nowt to Joe, for he span his slay boards up an’ dahn just like a shuttlecock. But wal all this wur going on the storm began to abate, and th’ water seem’d to get less, but still they kept at it. Wal at last a chap at they call Dave Twirler shahted aht he saw summat, and they look’t way at he pointed, and there behold it wur won o’th’ ribs o’th’ railway sticking up (here a dead silence tuk place which lasted for abaht three hours) for nobody durst open their mahths, flaid a’th’ wind wud mak th’ current stronger, and sum at wimen held their tungs to that pain and misery wal their stockings fell dahn ower their clog tops; but hasumever th’ silence wur broken by a Haworth Parish chap at they call Bob Gimlet, he happened to be there and he said nah lads, look down th’ valley for I think I see th’ skeleton at onny rate, and Bob wur reight for it wur as plain to be seen as an elephant in a shop window.

And this wur a fact this wur th’ railway they saw,
And at th’ first sight o’ th’ spectre they all stood in awe,
For it wur smashed all i’ pieces ashamed to be seen
As tho’ it hed passed thro’ a sausidge masheen;
Wi horror some fainted, while others took fits,
Aud these at cud stand it wur piking up t’bits.

But after a while when they all becum calm,
They gathered together like bees in a swarm,
Resolvd to pick up all fragments and th’ wood,
And splice ’em together as weel as they cud,
Hasumever thay started a putting it streyt,
And wi’ spelking and braying they soon made it reight.

Six months nah elapsed and th’ gert job wur done,
And th’ next thing to argue wur wen it sud run,
So they sent Joe a-Stirks arahnd wi’ his bell,
And gave him strict orders at he wur to tell,
At th’ inspector hed been and examined it thro’,
And cum to th’ conclushun et th’ railway wud do.

So to wark wi a vengance, the bellman set to,
To warn up a meeting to meet a’th’ Black Bull,
It wud dun yo all good to hear Joey shaht,
For they heard him distinctly for miles all abaht,
And i’ less ner ten minits, they flockt in so fast,
While Jonny Broth horses they couldn’t get past.

So they fram’d on wi’ th’ meeting an’ th’ chairman spak first,
And tell’d ’em at th’ railway wur finish’d at last;
And declared at th’ inspector hed passed when he com,
Both viaducts and bridges as sahnd as a plum;
As for sinkin agean they wud do nowt et sort,
For they sailed thro’ the arches i’ Marriner’s boat.

So he hoped i’ this meeting they all wud agree,
And settle when th’ oppening o’ th’ railway sud be.
He thout for his part tho’ he nobbut wur won,
At first day o’ April wur fittest to run,
Wen a voice sed, sit dahn or I’ll pelt thee wi’ spooils,
Duz ta think at wur bahn to be April fooils?

Then up on to th’ platform jump’d Red Dicky Brook,
Along wi’ his uncle Black Tom at Dyke Nook,
Determined to sattle and bring things arahnd,
As th’ railway wur finished both proper and sahnd;
So they pitched on a day—this wur April the fourth.
To oppen th’ grand railway fra Lunden to Haworth.

It wur carried as usual, bi’ th’ showing o’ hands,
Amidst grate rejoicing and playing o’ bands,
Both oud men and wimen hed a smile on their face,
For all wur dead certain this wur bahn to tak place,
So they fled to their homes like bees to a hive,
Impashent and anshus for th’ day to arrive.