Australia Revenged

by Boomerang

Now, supposing such a body had been formed, what would their policy be?

The first on the list would be the appointment of their leaders by ballot, this over, the more important step would be taken on true democratic lines to secure their permanency; consequently the first item of importance would be the guarding against social distinctions in the shape of knighthoods emanating from Great Britain. This might seem of trivial importance to such a body, as it might be argued that men of their opinions would not be the ones to have the refusal of such distinctions, and yet it would be so, for one has only to look at every-day life in Australia and to watch what is going on, to be convinced of the importance of the precautions.

Knighthoods and social distinctions may well be looked on as a curse in Australia, and it's only the Crown's advisers that really know what a trump card they hold in having an abundant supply always on hand ready to be distributed at the slightest notice. Should it enter the minds of any reader that this casts a reflection on the holders of such distinctions let it be instantly dismissed, for there are gentlemen of the first water holding titles, to whom every right thinking person will admit their claim to the highest distinction the Crown could bestow on them, for they have helped to build up the Empire and make it what it now is, and are men whose consciences would allow them to assert that in accepting the same they only did their duty; but it's not of this class that anything need be said, it is those who are daily practising hypocrisy and appearing as philanthropists by bestowing munificent gifts on institutions, or are agreeable to sell their opinions with the hope of securing the coveted honours. Take away the titles granted to politicians, and very few will remain, and as politics has long since been acknowledged the cheapest way to become knighted, the competition has become very keen, with the result that influential men with strong Republican opinions, are offered and accept a title, thereby selling themselves. There are men who once were acknowledged to be as firm as a rock in their sentiments, wavering as the coveted curse is dangled in front of their nose. Intrigues and conspiracies are carried on between themselves, and the whole political career of many an honest man has been blasted by his ambition to have a handle to his name.

There is another class who try to work the oracle through the Governors, but that has not proved a success.

Then come the philanthropists, one of whom barely escaped taking his title into penal servitude lately, and another of whom, on securing the title, at once came to England and settled down as an English nobleman, giving strict orders for his estates to be managed in the most economical way, in order that he might be able to live as a gentleman in England; he has been successful and is now related to titled families of the class with which England abounds, for ever on the alert to make the acquaintance of millionaires' daughters. That this class of people should be titled is what disgusts the Young Australians, especially when they have so many good citizens, men who have introduced capital, started industries and manufactories and have assisted to build up the commercial trade with the world; these are passed over and not noticed, for the simple reason that their names do not appear in print twice a day, but they are true men and are thought none the less of. Much as the many worthy recipients are admired, there is yet a class that are held to be far superior, and they are those who, on being pressed to accept the honours, refused, preferring to keep their opinions unfettered; they are the men Young Australians admire, and are prepared to follow.

"Cut the painter" might be suggested by some weak and injudicious member of about the calibre of that novelist who made use of the same expression in his report of his reception in the Colonies. This, however, would be negatived immediately, as it would be entirely in opposition to what their policy would be.

The next question, undoubtedly, would be the appointment of Governors, and a motion proposing the abolition of English Governors would be brought forward and received with such enthusiasm that it would quickly be recognised as a point of vital importance and interest.

On looking at the definition of a Governor it is seen that his position is an anomaly and he himself a figure-head, his duty being to strengthen the link that connects the Colony to Great Britain, This definition as before mentioned, may be allowable from a general point of view, but never from the Young Australians' point of view, for they recognise that these gentlemen of pleasure cost the Colonies £39,500 a year in salaries, and another £20,000 may be added for incidental expenses, interest, etc., making, roughly speaking £60,000 a year, or nearly sufficient to pay the interest on a three per cent. loan of two millions. It would be argued in the first place that the sixty thousand was simply thrown away, and in the second that the time had arrived when men of ability took the places of the figure-heads.

The English Governor is sent out to strengthen the existing bond, or in other words to preach loyalty. "God save the Queen" is his text, his motto and his password. If he attends a public function, "God save the Queen" is conspicuous on the walls; if he replies to a toast he will make frequent reference to the estimable qualities of Her Majesty. If he walks or drives down the street, the street bands and barrel-organs play "God save the Queen"; if he attends or promises to attend a theatrical performance, nothing is done until his arrival, even if it be an hour late, then everybody in the house is expected to rise, and take off their hats, when the orchestra greets him with "God save the Queen." If he attends a dinner, "God save the Queen" is inscribed on the menu between each of the courses, and is supposed to be partaken of; if he visits a school the children will have been practising for months, at home, in the street, in school and everywhere, "God save the Queen"; if he attends a football match or any athletic sports, he is the centre of attraction, all in the grand stands rise while the band plays "God save the Queen." These are a few instances that have become law in Australia, and the song or tune has just about the same effect on the Young Australians as a worn-out, threadbare music-hall song would have on a first-night audience; and yet there are plenty of people to be found who will acknowledge that it's the prettiest tune they ever heard, and with a "God bless the dear old lady," they are arguing the next instant with themselves that it must come, it's only a matter of waiting, another thousand or two judiciously expended will do it. To keep the tune of "God save the Queen" fresh in the Australian's ears costs sixty thousand a year.

One of the greatest surprises an Australian has on his arrival in England is the comparative lack, of loyal display. There, the Queen's birthday is taken no more notice of than if it were a commoner's, the Prince of Wales's less, even the papers make very slight mention of the fact. Britons dearly love their ruler and are always ready to obey when called on, but, they do not make any attempt to impress it upon every one that visits their shores, and by so doing command respect. As for Earls and Lords they are spoken of as my milkman, Lord So-and-So, or my fruiterer or butcher, the Earl of So-and-So, or my dressmaker the Countess of So-and-So, as they are rapidly becoming mixed up in trade.