“That of course,” she said simply.
“Thank you for that—Ess,” he said, and his voice quavered in spite of himself. “And I hope you’ll make some excuse for anything you hear of me. I shouldn’t have fought as I did I know, but I was a wild beast at the time....”
“Steve,” she said, suddenly, a cold fear clutching at her heart, “you weren’t—you remember everything that happened—you couldn’t have——”
“No,” he said, “I had been drinking—put it I was drunk if you like, but drink doesn’t drown my senses, though it might affect my reasoning powers. I can remember and go over every minute, every incident of last night, to the last detail. And I did not touch or see the man after he left me with the others.”
She sighed with relief. “I was afraid for the minute,” she said. “Not that it would make me think different of you, although it ought to with a girl perhaps. But I’m glad you are sure. And I’m so sorry, Steve, so sorry.”
“Sorry?” he burst out passionately. “Ess, if you knew what it means to me. If you knew what I feel to know that I’m going to be hunted like a wild dingo with a price on his scalp; to know that you’ll have to listen to all sorts of tales and speculation and gossip about me. And this smashes everything for me, everything I’ve been gradually building to myself day by day lately, and hugging to my heart. I was going to make you love me, girl—love me as already I love you. I was going to marry you and settle down—” he broke off and laughed harshly. “Settle down—and instead of that I’ll be slinking about the hills till I can get away, if I ever do; and skulking about under another name, and running like a hare put up from her form every time I think the hue and cry comes nearer. Yesterday morning my heart was singing aloud with hope and happiness and love, and now—and now I am despising myself for even telling you what I’ve less right than ever to tell you.”
Her face was white now, although the colour had flooded it full tide at his first words.
“It’s only my right to know,” she said. “And I thank you for telling me. And although I can’t say now—” her voice faltered and broke—“I don’t know—my heart is brimming with pity, and I can’t tell if....”
He leaned over and took her hands in his own, that shook under the strain he put on himself.
“No need to say more, girl,” he said. “If I get clear away I’ll write to you—if it’s safe. And I’ll—but it isn’t fair of me to try to mix you up in my life if it’s going to be one of a constant flight from the law. I won’t let you do that, Ess.”