“I am afraid, sir, we cannot satisfy you!” returned the waiter haughtily. “Unless you can discover what suits your taste upon our bill of fare, you will have to go elsewhere.”
“Look here, William,” cried the sailor, “don’t look at me in that tone of voice. I don’t approve of it. You should be obsequious and attentive to one of my lofty station and high caste, for I am liable to press into your palm, as a small token, a gold doubloon, when I depart. It pays, William, to bow and scrape a little to me. I like it. Now here is my friend Abe—gaze at him, Sir William. You may not be aware of it, but Abe is a genius. He is the musical wonder of the century. Behold at his side his wonderful violin, from which he draws the most excruciating melodies. When he greases his bow and lets it slide over the quivering strings, the sounds which emanate from that instrument are sufficient to appal every one with admiration. You will observe that Abe is delicate. I couldn’t think of offending him by ordering a common sole-leather steak for him to masticate. The soul of a genius cannot survive on steak. It lives mainly on inspiration. Were you ever inspired, William? My boy, I have, on various occasions, devoured whole quarters of inspiration at a single sitting. Suppose you bring us a quart of inspiration? Make it Mumm’s extra dry.”
In spite of his dignity, the waiter could not help smiling at the marine marvel’s words and eccentric manner.
“Do you wish champagne, sir?” he inquired.
Wiley gently touched his lips with the corner of his napkin.
“Champagne! There is but one fault to find with it; whoever indulges to his full limit in the sparkling fluid invariably has real pain the following morning. No, William, on second thought, having with me my unsophisticated young friend, I will remain on the water wagon. Should I set a bad example for him, my quivering conscience would smite me a painful smote. As long as this place cannot provide the little delicacies I have mentioned, Abe and I will plow into this spread before us and do our best to calm our ravenous appetites. Stand behind my chair, William, and endeavor to anticipate my slightest want. When I depart I will look over my counterfeit money and find a hundred-dollar bill for you.”
There were a number of persons dining in the restaurant[restaurant], and Wiley had attracted considerable attention. One of the guests now rose from his table and advanced toward the sailor and the boy. As Abe saw this man he gave a little gasp, and whispered to his companion:
“Look, cap’n—look! There is a man who has been following me about. He is coming!”
“I behold him advancing,” said the marine marvel, also in a low tone. “Paragorically speaking, his eyes are gimlets and his nose is an interrogation point. I think he intends to ask questions.”
The person who approached was a slim man in black, with his coat buttoned tightly across his breast. He was smooth-shaven, keen-eyed, and about forty years of age.