“As I said before,” said Hodge, “you see what your reputation as a practical joker is doing for you.”
“I see,” nodded Frank. “It is giving me a chance to get a big joke on those fellows. They will drop dead when they learn those checks actually are good.”
“Waal, I should say yes!” nodded Ephraim. “Jest naow they’re kainder thinkin’ yeou are an object fer charity.”
“Here’s Browning’s letter.”
“Mr. Frank Merriwell, Millionaire and Philanthropist.
“Dear Sir: I seize my pen in my hand, being unable to seize it with my foot, and hasten to acknowledge the receipt of your princely gift. With my usual energy and haste, I dash off these few lines at the rate of ten thousand words a minute, only stopping to rest after each word. After cashing your check with the pawnbroker, I shall use the few dollars remaining to settle in part with my tailor, who has insisted in a most ungentlemanly manner on the payment of his little bill, which has been running but a short time—less than two years, I think. The sordid greed and annoying persistence of this man has much embarrassed me, and I would pay him off entirely, if it were not that I wish to get my personal property out of my ‘uncle’s’ safe-deposit vault, where it has been resting for some time.
“It is evident to me that you have money to burn in an open grate. That is great, as Griswold would say. And it was so kind of you to remember your old friends. The little hint accompanying each check that thus you divided the spoils of our great trip across the continent was not sufficient to deceive anyone into the belief that this was other than a generous act on your part and a free gift.
“There is not much news to write, save that everybody is in the dumps and everything has turned blue. I suppose some of the others will tell you all about things, so that will save me the task, which you know I would intensely enjoy, as I do love to work. It is the joy of my life to labor. I spend as much time as possible each day working on a comfortable couch in my room; but I will confess that I might not work quite so hard if it was not necessary to draw at the pipe in order to smoke up.
“When are you coming East? Aren’t you getting tired of the West? Why can’t you make a visit to Yale before vacation time? You would be received with great éclat. Excuse my French. I have to fling it around occasionally, when I can’t think of any Latin or Greek. Why do you suppose Latin and Greek were invented? Why didn’t those old duffers use English, and save us poor devils no end of grinding?
“Unfortunately, I have just upset the ink, and, having no more, I must quit.