'What a terrible—what a bewildering day this has been! I have been thinking—I have been talking—I have been pleading—I have been protesting—till I scarcely know where I am or what I am doing, and—I tremble as I write the words—I am no nearer the accomplishment of my object than I was when I arrived.
'One thing, however, seems certain. Dost Ali Khan, though he would give worlds to detach me and my State from the English alliance, has no wish or intention of injuring me personally. I confess, after all I have heard of the perfidy of Asiatics, I am a little astonished at the gratitude I have met with for very small favours.
'But I must try to put it all down in detail. It may be useful for future reference.
'Early this morning I was carried into the fort. Refreshments were placed before me; I was allowed to adjust my dress, and then I was led by Ganesh into the presence of the chief, in whom, although his appearance was much changed, I at once recognised the high-caste youth I had fed and sheltered in my tent at Delhi.
'He was alone, having dismissed his captains. The place in which he received me was a court, open to the sky and surrounded by galleries, in one of which I distinctly saw a veiled lady sitting. My heart leapt into my mouth, for I thought it might be Grace; but I came to the conclusion presently that it was not Grace but Vivien, who had, as I knew, completely thrown in her lot with the rebels.
'The chief greeted me with perfect courtesy, saying that this was an honour to which he had long been looking forward. I, feeling myself in his power, answered after the same courteous fashion, and after this little preliminary fencing he began to speak about the curious and critical state of affairs in the country. I would not interrupt him, being anxious to know precisely what his views were, and I confess it was a little strange to me to hear views, set forth ably, and urged with no little eloquence, diametrically opposed to those I have been accustomed to hear and to support since I came to India. For, according to him, the English overlordship has been a mistake from beginning to end. It has failed in strength, in sympathy, in suitability to the people of the land. That, sooner or later, it would be swept away, to be replaced by a more congenial rule, he did not for one single moment doubt; and he strongly advised me either to go back quietly to my own country, or if, being an Englishman, I desired still to rule Asiatics, to make up my mind frankly to throw in my lot with them. A countrywoman of mine, and he smiled in a very strange way, had come prudently to this latter determination; and he did not think she repented what she had done.
'To all this I listened as quietly as I could, not attempting a word of contradiction.
'He asked me straightly if I would join them. I answered that I could do nothing without the consent of the elders of my people. Did I wish them well? he went on to say. I said that I was not sufficiently acquainted with their principles and aims to be able to answer such a question. I was, as he very well knew, the faithful servant of the Government to which I owed my advancement. Dost Ali Khan smiled at this, and said my boldness pleased him. He said, further, contradicting some of his previous assertions, that if the English had behaved to him as they had behaved to me, he would never have taken part against them. He then asked me if I had heard that the British army, on their way to relieve Lucknow, had met with a serious defeat, and been forced to fall back upon Cawnpore. I said boldly that no such rumour had come to me, and that even if it had I should not have believed it. I knew indeed that General Havelock was retreating; but his reason was insufficiency of troops, and not defeat in battle.
'So, for a full hour, we fenced with one another, for I knew the Oriental character, and while burning to speak of my beloved Grace, I would not court defeat by rushing upon her name.