My purpose in writing on this subject—No desire to lessen responsibility—The great difficulties of such an inquiry—A return to the question considered in the previous chapters on marriage—Some women and men unsuited for monogamous marriage and the duties of parenthood—The evils that must arise when those unfitted for true monogamy are forced to live under its cover—Sex subjects usually viewed either with false sentiment or with vulgarity—Shameful concealments and sniggering do not lead to true chastity—These bad conditions exert more influence on men than on women—Celibacy as unnatural and harmful in women as in men—One form of union can never be imposed for every one—Is secrecy advantageous to society—Effect of economic conditions and pressure of opinion—Without some change prostitution and the degradation of the more honourable partnerships outside marriage must be accepted—The position of the mother must always be secured—The war has caused increased independence of women—The war as well will cause a shortage of men and probably a period of poverty—These must act as further causes of avoidance of marriage—At the same time the nation will have an increased need for children—More than one form of sexual association required—The highest types of men and women should live in monogamous marriage—For others the sterile temporary union—The law should establish contracts providing for the woman in such relationships—Advantages of this procedure—Increase not hinder morality.
CHAPTER XI
SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE
“All love must have its responsibilities, or it will degrade and dissipate itself in mere sentiment or sensuality.”
I find this sentence written in an old notebook, one that for a long time I have not been using. I took the book up by chance, when my eyes lighted on this saying; at once I decided to place it at the beginning of this chapter on sexual relationships outside of marriage. I want to make it clear at the very start that it is far indeed from my purpose to make easy the way of irregular unions or at all to loosen the responsibilities that ought to bind men and women.
The difficulties of writing upon all questions of sexual conduct are very real. Almost always one is suspected of advocating license and of disbelief in marriage, so commonplace is it to misunderstand, so easy to misrepresent. For not only is there prejudice to encounter, which on no question is so obstinate as it is on this one that we are now considering of unregulated love, but we have to deal with so many different problems, taking account of many opposed facts, where threads are crossed and entangled and at best can be patched only roughly together. I plead for a patient recognition of the real seriousness of this problem, which, I am certain, will have to be faced in the near future if our sexual life and marriage are to be freed from secret disgrace that is unbearable.
We have found in the two previous chapters what all of us must know from our own experience of life, that some women and men are by their temperament unsuited for monogamous marriage and the duties of parenthood. Often, I would even say as a rule, these individuals are strongly sexual. They will not, because with the character they have, they cannot, live for any long period celibate. They will marry to gain permanent sexual relief or they will buy temporary relief from prostitutes, unless they are able to seek satisfaction in an irregular union.