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From him she bolted, and enlisted with an officer of the nineteenth Lancers; but not liking the house of Montague, she obtained the Grant of a furlough, and has since indulged in a plurality of lovers, without much attention to size, age, persons, or professions. Of her talent in love affairs, we have given some specimens; and her courage in war can never be doubted after the formidable attack she recently made upon General Sir John D***e, returning through Hounslow from a review, from which rencontre she has obtained the appropriate appellation of the Brazen Bellona. A pretty round face, dark hair, and fine bushy eyebrows, are no mean attractions; independent of which the lady is always upon good terms with herself. The belle whip driving the cabriolet, with a chestnut horse and four white legs, is the Edgeware Diana Mrs. S***h, at present engaged in a partnership affair, in the foreign line, with two citizens, Messrs O. R. and S.; the peepholes at the side of her machine imply more than mere curiosity, and are said to have been invented by General Ogle, for the use of the ladies when on active service. The beautiful little Water Lily in the chocolate-coloured chariot, with a languishing blue eye and alabaster skin, is Mrs. Ha****y, otherwise K**d***k, of Gr—n-street, a great favourite with all who know her, from the elegance of her manners and the attractions of her person (being perfect symmetry); at present she is under the special protection of a city stave merchant, and has the reputation of being very sincere in her attachments.
"You must have been a desperate fellow in your time, Crony," said I, "among the belles of this class, or you could never have become so familiar with their history." "It is the fashion," replied the veteran, "to understand these matters; among the bons vivants of the present day a fellow would be suspected of chastity, or regarded as uncivilized, who could not run through the history of the reigning beauties of the times, descanting upon their various charms with poetical fervor, or illuminating, as he proceeds, with some choice anecdotes of the Paphian divinities, their protectors and propensities; and to do the fair Citherians justice, they are not much behindhand with us in that respect, for the whole conversation of the sisterhood turns upon the figure, fortune, genius, or generosity of the admiring beaux. To a young and ardent mind, just emerging from scholastic discipline, with feelings uncontaminated by fashionable levities, and a purse equal to all pleasurable purposes, a correct knowledge of the mysteries of the Citherian principles of astronomy may be of the most essential consequence, not less in protecting his morals and health than in the preservation of life and fortune. One half the duels, suicides, and fashionable bankruptcies spring from this polluted source. The stars of this order rise and fall in estimation, become fixed planets or meteors of the most enchanting brilliancy, in proportion not to the grace of modesty, or the fascination of personal beauty, but to the notoriety and number of their amours, and the peerless dignity of their plurality of lovers.
"Place the goddess of Love on the pedestal of Chastity, in the sacred recesses of the grove of Health, veiled by virgin Innocence, and robed in celestial Purity, and who among the cameleon race of fashionable roués would incur the charge of Vandalism, or turn aside to pay devotion at her shrine? but let the salacious deity of Impurity mount the car of Profligacy, and drive forth in all the glare of crimson and gold, and a thousand devotees are ready to sacrifice their honour upon her profligate altars, or chain themselves to her chariot wheels as willing slaves to worship and adore."
"Let us take another turn up the drive," said I, "for I am willing to confess myself much interested in this new system of astronomy, and perhaps we may discover a few more of the terrestrial planets, and observe the stars that move around their frail orbits." "I must first make you acquainted with the signs of the Paphian zodiac," said Crony; "for every one of these attractions have their peculiar and appropriate fashionable appellations. I have already introduced you to the Bang Bantum, Mrs Bertram; the London Leda, Moll Raffles; the Spanish Nun, St. Margurite; the Sparrow Hawk, Augusta C****e{1}; the Golden
1 See vol. i.
Pippin, Mrs. C.; the White Crow, Clara W****; the Brazen Bellona, Mrs. St**f**d; the Edgeware Diana, Mrs. S**th; and the Water Lily Symmeterian, Ha**l*y—all planets of the first order, carriage curiosities. Let us now proceed to make further observations. The jolie dame yonder, in the phaeton, drawn by two fine bays, is called the White Doe, from her first deer protector; and although somewhat on the decline, she is yet an exhibit of no mean attraction, and a lady of fortune. Thanks to the liberality of an old hewer of stone, and the talismanic powers of the golden Ball, deserted by her last swain since his marriage, she now reclines upon the velvet cushion of Independence, enjoying in the Kilburn retreat, her otium cum dignitate, secure from the rude winds of adversity, and in the occasional society of a few old friends. The lovely Thais in the brown chariot, with a fine Roman countenance, dark hair, and sparkling eyes, is the favourite elect of a well-known whig member; here she passes by the name of the Comic Muse, the first letter of which will also answer for the leading initial of her theatrical cognomen. Her, private history is well-known to every son of old Etona who has taken a toodle over Windsor-bridge on a market-day within the last fifteen years, her parents being market gardeners in the neighbourhood; and her two unmarried sisters, both fine girls, are equally celebrated with the Bath orange-women for the neatness of their dress and comeliness of their persons. There is a sprightliness and good-humour about the Comic Muse that turns aside the shafts of ill-nature; and had she made her selection more in accordance with propriety, and her own age, she might have escaped our notice; but, alas!" said Crony, "she forgets that
'The rose's age is but a day;
Its bloom, the pledge of its decay,
Sweet in scent, in colour bright,
It blooms at morn and fades at night.
At this moment a dashing little horsewoman trotted by in great style, followed by a servant in blue and gold livery; her bust was perfection itself, but studded with the oddest pair of ogles in the world, and Crony assured me (report said) her person was supported by the shortest pair of legs, for an adult, in Christendom. "That is the queen of the dandysettes," said my old friend, "Sophia, Selina, or, as she is more generally denominated, Galloping W****y, from a long Pole, who settled the interest of five thousand upon her for her natural life; she is since said to have married her groom, with, however, this prudent stipulation, that he is still to ride behind her in public, and answer all demands in propria persona. She is constantly to be seen at all masquerades, and may be easily known by her utter contempt for the incumbrance of decent costume." "How d'ye do? How d'ye do?" said a most elegant creature, stretching forth her delicate white kid-covered arm over the fenêtre of Lord Hxxxxxxx*h's vis à vis. "Ah! bon jour, ma chère amie," said old Crony, waving his hand and making one of his best bows in return. "You are a happy dog," said I, "old fellow, to be upon such pleasant terms with that divinity. No plebeian blood there, I should think: a peeress, I perceive, by the coronet on the panels." "A peine cognoist, ou la femme et le melon," responded Crony, "you shall hear. Among the ton she passes by the name of Vestina the Titan, from her being such a finished tactician in the campaigns of Venus;. her ordinary appellation is Mrs. St—h—pe: whether this be a nom de guerre or a nom de terre, I shall not pretend to decide; if we admit that la chose est toute, et que la nom n'y fait rien, the rest is of no consequence. It would be an intricate task to unravel the family web of our fashionable frail ones, although that of many frail fashionables stands high in heraldry. The lady in question, although in 'the sear o' the leaf,' is yet in high request; 'fat, fair, and forty' shall I say?