* The grand aquatic gala, which terminates the week's festi-
vities at Eton, and concludes the water excursions for the
season, was originally fixed in honour of his late majesty's
birthday, and would have been altered to the period of his
successor's, but the time would not accord, the twelfth day
of August being vacation.
peaceful slumber, dreams not of the change his house has undergone, and wakes to find a double transformation; his Angel vanished, or exchanged for the rude semblance of an Oxford Bear, with a cognomen thereto appended, as foreign to his family nomenclature "as he to Hercules." In the morning the dames are wailing the loss of their polished knockers; and the barber-surgeon mourns the absence of his obtrusive pole. The optician's glasses have been removed to the door of some prying domine; and the large tin cocked hat has been seized by some midnight giant, who has also claimed old Crispin's three-leagued boot. The golden fish has leaped into the Thames. The landlord of the Lamb bleats loudly for his fleece. The grocer cares not a fig for the loss of his sugar-loaves, but laughs, and takes it as a currant joke. Old Duplicate is resolved to have his balls restored with interest; and the lady mother of the black doll is quite pale in the face with sorrow for the loss of her child. Mine host of the vine looks as sour as his own grapes, before they were fresh gilded; and spruce master Pigtail, the tobacconist, complains that his large roll of real Virginia has been chopped into short cut. But these are by far the least tormenting jokes. That good-humoured Cad, Jem Miller, finds the honorary distinction of private tutor added to his name. Dame ——s, an irreproachable spinster of forty, discovers that of Mr. Probe, man-midwife, appended to her own. Mr. Primefit, the Eton Stultz, is changed into Botch, the cobbler. Diodorus Drowsy, D.D., of Windsor, is re-christened Diggory Drenchall, common brewer; and the amiable Mrs. Margaret Sweet, the Eton pastry-cook and confectioner, finds her name united in bands of brass with Mr. Benjamin Bittertart, the baker. The celebrated Christopher Caustic, Esq., surgeon, has the mortification to find his Esculapian dormitory decorated with the sign-board of Mr. Slaughtercalf, a German butcher; while his handsome brass pestle and mortar, with the gilt Galen's head annexed, have been waggishly transferred to the house of some Eton Dickey Gossip, barber and dentist. Mr. Index, the bookseller, changes names with old Frank Finis, the sexton. The elegant door plate of Miss Caroline Cypher, spinster, is placed on the right side of Nicodemus
Number, B.A., and fellow of Eton, with this note annexed: "New rule of Addition, according to Cocker." Old Amen, the parish clerk, is united to Miss Bridget Silence, the pew opener; and Theophilus White, M.D. changes place with Mr. Sable, the undertaker. But we shall become too grave if we proceed deeper with this subject. There is no end to the whimsical alterations and ludicrous changes that take place upon these occasions, when scarce a sign or door plate in Eton escapes some pantomimic transformation.*
* Representations to the masters or authorities are scarcely
ever necessary to redress these whimsical grievances, as the
injured parties are always remunerated. The next day the
spoils and trophies are arranged in due form in a certain
snug sanctum sanctorum, the cellar of a favorite inn, well
known by the name of the Oppidan's Museum; for a view of
which see the sketch made on the spot by my friend Bob
Transit. Here the merry wags are to be found in council,
holding a court of claims, to which all the tradesmen who
have suffered any loss are successively summoned; and after
pointing out from among the motley collection the article
they claim, and the price it originally cost, they are
handsomely remunerated, or the sign replaced. The good
people of Eton generally choose the former, as it not only
enable them to sport a new sign, but to put a little profit
upon the cost price of the old one. The trophies thus
acquired are then packed up in hampers, and despatched to
Oxford, where they are on similar occasions not unfrequently
displayed, or hung up, in lieu of some well-known sign, such
as the Mitre, &c. which has been removed during the night.
The following jeu-d'esprits issued upon the interference of the authorities at the conclusion of the last Election. The "dance of thirty sovereigns" is an allusion to the fine imposed, which was given to the poor.
A Ladder Dance.
A moving golden Fish.
The Fall of Grapes, during a heavy storm.
The Cock'd Hat Combat.
A March to the Workhouse.
Bird-cage Duett, by Messrs. C***** and B****.
A public Breakfast, with a dance by thirty sovereigns.
Glee—"When shall we three meet again."
The Barber's Hornpipe, by the learned D****.
The Turk's Head Revel.
Saint Christopher's March.
The Committee in Danger.
The Cloisters, Eton
