N.B. Hire no man unless his name is Adam, or he will suffer you to call him so.
Let your children enter. Miss Lucy, George, and Theodore, all punsters, but this day is devoted to the father. Call your daughter, Lucy, because, if you are a profound scholar, you can frequently bring in "luce clarior." Your other girl, Sally, ran away with an apothecary. Mrs.—— will say this, and you'll exclaim, "Ah, Sal volatile!"
Invite a poor French priest[29] to your table at these times. He is always to ask, when your children appear, "Est ce qu'ils sont tous par la même mère?"
[29] The word Emigré, which appears in this article as before printed, would at once destroy the unquestionable right Swift has to the honour of this MS. for Emigré did not obtain in our language till long after his death.
When you are to reply—"Yes, I believe they are all by the same mare, but I won't answer for the horse[30]."
[30] This has been given to Foote; but dates decide.
This is not very complimentary to your wife; but it would be a pretty joke indeed, if a good pun was to be lost for such a trifling consideration.
If you consult decency too much, there's an end of wit. He who digs for diamonds must not be over squeamish about dirt. Here Mrs.—— may say, "My dear Tom, I wish the man would bring up the dinner."
Mr. ——. "Bring up the dinner, my love? Heaven forbid! As Dido says, that's 'sic sic,' so so[31]."
[31] Æn. iv. 660.