R. 23. The Rule of Desertion allows you to bring a man into a pun, and leave him to work it out: as, suppose you should hear a man say the word incomparable——Then you proceed, in-com-incom-par-par-rable-rable——So let the other make his best of it.
R. 24. The Salick Rule is, a pretence to a jumping of wits: that is, when a man has made a good pun, the other swears with a pun he was just coming out with it. One night, I remember, Mr.—— served Dr.—— so. The former saying over a bottle, 'Will, I am for my mistress here.' 'How so?' says Tom. 'Why, I am for Wine-if-red.' 'By this crooked stick[10],' said Tom, 'I was coming out with it.'
[10] Cane-a-wry, i. e. Canary.
R. 25. The Etymological Rule is, when a man hunts a pun through every letter and syllable of a word: as for example, I am asked, 'What is the best word to spend an evening with?' I answered, 'Potatos; for there is po—pot—pota—potat—potato, and the reverse sot-a-top.'
R. 26. The Rule of Mortification is, when a man having got the thanks and laugh of a company for a good pun, an enemy to the art swears he read it in "Cambridge Jests." This is such an inversion of it, that I think I may be allowed to make examples of these kind of people in verse:
Thus puppies, that adore the dark,
Against bright Cynthia howl and bark;
Although the regent of the night,
Like us, is gay with borrow'd light.
R. 27. The Professionary Rule[11] is, to frame a story, and swear you were present at an event where every man talked in his own calling; ex. gr. Major—— swears he was present at the seizing of a pick-pocket by a great rabble in Smithfield; and that he heard
A Tailor say, 'Send the dog to hell.'
The Cook, 'Let me be at him, I'll baste him.'
The Joiner, 'It is plain the dog was caught in the fact; I saw him.'
The Blacksmith, 'He is a fine spark indeed!'
The Butcher, 'Knock down the shambling cur.'
The Glazier, 'Make the light shine through him.'
The Bookseller, 'Bind him over.'
The Sadler, 'Pummel him.'
The Farmer, 'Thrash the dog.'
A Popish Priest going by, 'I'll make the Devil fly out of him.'
[11] An improvement on this rule was adopted by Dr. Swift, in his "Full and True Account of Wood's Procession to the Gallows."