CLASSICAL PUN.
"Do you know," said an Oxonian to his friend, "why an acre of land bought on a stipulation to pay the purchase-money a year hence, resembles an ancient lyric song? Because it is An-acre-on-tick.
A WARM PUN.
"You are never witty," said a friend, "until you are well warmed with wine." "That may be," replied the punster: "but it is no reason, good sir, that I am to be well-roasted."
THE EXCISE-OFFICE v. THE STAMP-OFFICE.
Foster, the oboe player, of Drury Lane Theatre (and who also belonged to the Excise Office) happened one day, at a rehearsal, to be playing rout of time. Shaw, the leader, began to stamp violently, and said, "Why don't you play in better time, you member of the Excise Office?" Upon which Foster replied, "None of your jeers to members of the Excise Office: you seem to be a member of the Stamp Office yourself."
HARPING UPON A FIGURE.
A professional harpist (who was a very incompetent performer), one night at Drury Lane Theatre, boasted of the elegant figure upon the head of his harp; observing that it cost him eight guineas the cutting of it. Foster immediately exclaimed, "Sir, if I play'd upon the harp, I would endeavour to cut a figure myself."
A PUNSTER'S REQUISITES FOR AN M.P.