CHAPTER LXI.—SMUDGEOGRAPHY; OR, HOW TO TELL THE CHARACTER BY HANDWRITING.
This is a portrait of Billy Baker ([Fig. 1]). It is not by the famous Flemish artist Van Daub, whose works are to be found in every gallery in Europe, but by his distant relative Von Smudge, whose efforts need only to be known to be equally appreciated. It is understood to be a successful attempt to tell Billy’s character ‘from his handwriting.’ It is not a flattering likeness. We are afraid Von Smudge found that the hand was not in due submission to the will. It, however, shows Billy as having a deal of breadth and very substantial understanding.
Fig. 1.
It is his own fault if he did not ‘come out’ better. All that he had to do was to write his ‘usual signature’ with a thickish pen dipped heavily into the ink, and while it was wet and easily blottable Von Smudge folded the paper so as to divide it in the middle, gave a little pat with his finger where the head ought to be, a rub with his thumb where the arms should come, and an artistic flourish all along the line, and, lo! this was the ‘character’ he produced.
The parents of Billy were much flattered at the result, and, having ‘great faith in the system,’ proceeded to inquire whether their son would do best as a Rapparee or a Nigger corner-man. They were informed, however, that ‘as the handwriting changes the character develops,’ and agreed to wait before deciding, and in the meanwhile let Billy have six lessons from a professional writing master. This was done, and now Billy’s writing, like Billy himself, has no character at all!
Fig. 2.