When Kratz has made himself rather ridiculous, he can philosophize about the occurrence so that it appears to him very interesting. Take, for instance, his account of a rehearsal in which he ventured to play a violin concerto beyond his power:—
"When the orchestra had played the introductory Tutti, and I had to begin the Solo,—suddenly it becomes misty before my eyes, my whole body trembles, I cannot see the notes clearly, cannot command my fingers, cannot manage the bow. We begin again, and a third time; but it is not much better, although we make some progress. By degrees I become more collected; still my playing remains a wretched attempt to the end, provoking the suppressed and loud laughter of the musicians. None of the somewhat difficult passages, which I knew by heart, could I play. I am not a virtuoso on the violin; but if one has attained a certain dexterity, one must be able to play those pieces which one has properly learnt. Thus this rehearsal enriched my psychology, inasmuch as it served me as an example for the proposition:—It is very difficult, if not impossible, to appear in later years before the public in a capacity in which one has not appeared in early youth. The fear for the teacher suppresses in youth the shyness for the public, and accustoms us to resist it, and not allow it to become an obstacle. The fear for the teacher is a support which later we miss, while the shyness which overcomes us is all the stronger since we have learnt the value of the opinion which formerly concentrated only in the teacher, and with which we were well acquainted beforehand. While as a singer and a declamator I feel the most at my ease when I appear before a large audience, at the rehearsal, in the presence of an orchestra only, I could not play a violin concerto, merely because the former I have done in public from early youth, and this never before."
The proceeds of his concerts he divided into two equal portions, one of which he regularly forwarded after the concert to the relief fund for the wounded soldiers, retaining the other half to defray his travelling expenses. But his concerts were often so thinly attended that they realized no proceeds to divide, and hardly sufficient means for his subsistence. He feared to come into suspicion of having appropriated to himself more than his due; and he felt vexed at the implications which he sometimes thought he detected in the remarks of strangers, intimating that the wounded soldiers were of more use to him than he to them.
Reduced to this extremity, Kratz resolved to trouble himself no further about the wounded soldiers, and henceforth to give his musical-declamatory entertainments for his own benefit. And with this step begins a new epoch in his life, in which he depicts himself in his journal as a genuine vagabond musician. After two years' rambles, he writes:—"I must mention that my purse is at present in a very low condition. This is something very common to all travelling artists with or without reputation, and does not happen now for the first time to me. In Silesia and other provinces I had already experienced the same trouble. Considering the peculiar nature of my vocation, I never expected from the very outset of my rambles that I should gain much money. That I have not suffered more frequently, is owing to my very moderate habits, and also to the circumstance that my strong physical condition enables me to brave any adversities. Whenever my endeavours to obtain an audience in a town failed, I at once submitted myself to restrictions and deprivations. I should not even now think this worth mentioning, did it not show how greatly I had to suffer on account of the musical festival at Frankenhausen. In fact, it was owing to this that I became for the first time quite destitute." This happened in 1815. The musical festival in Frankenhausen was under the management of music-director G. F. Bischoff. A new cantata by Spohr, performed in the presence of the composer, who afterwards played a violin concerto, constituted its principal attraction. It speaks much for the love of music in Kratz that, notwithstanding his miserable circumstances, he carried out his intention of attending the festival. His request for permission to assist in the orchestra, or in the chorus, met with a refusal on the pretext that it came too late, all the places being filled. Disappointed, he bent his steps to Heringen, a neighbouring small town, with the intention of giving a musical-declamatory entertainment which might help him to some food, and to the price of a ticket of admission to the concert in Frankenhausen. His struggles he faithfully records thus:—
"In Ashausen, a village three-quarters of an hour's walk from Heringen, I went into the inn for the night. It was Sunday. The room below was full. I heard music in the upper room; went up stairs, and found there was dancing going on. I watched the dancers for a long time. Then, merely for my love of music, I placed myself among the musicians and played occasionally with them. When they thus recognised me as a musician, they treated me—but, unfortunately, with spirits. However, sometimes bread and butter, and oftener cake, was handed to them, of which I was likewise asked to partake; and this suited me better. After the dancing was over, several peasants gathered round the new musician, and I played to them dance-tunes on the violin, which they liked better than the tunes of their own band. I took up a horn, having learnt the instrument formerly, and blew them a piece or two. They now wanted to treat me with spirits, which I however felt obliged to decline, although it was fine liqueur; for I am no spirit-drinker. The cake, unhappily, was consumed. I now learnt that they were celebrating the baptism of a child. I only wished they might continue the whole night, as it would save me the expense of a bed. However, about three o'clock in the morning the last of the company departed, and I had to go down into the public room, where I threw myself on a bench to avoid paying for a bed. Nevertheless, the unreasonable host demanded that I should pay him for having slept in his house; but this I did not, because I had only two groschen[44] in my possession, and could not entirely divest myself of cash. I therefore paid him only a half groschen for a cup of coffee in the morning."
Arrived, on Monday, at Heringen: "In the afternoon I happen to pass the church, which is open. I enter and sit down, tarrying near to my Only Friend. There I remain alone for a long time, occupied with my reflections; for, I stand so alone in the world.—In the evening the decisive hour approaches; the concert at Frankenhausen is at stake, and—Behold! I have an audience of nineteen persons, few expenses, the host of the Town-Hall means it well with me, and Frankenhausen is safe!"
Kratz shows himself always to the greatest advantage when he is very badly off. As soon as he gains a little money, he generally becomes quarrelsome. It would only be painful to trace his ups and downs,—the former occurring but occasionally, and being but slight,—until his arrival in Cassel. In this town the manager of the theatre, perhaps in an unguarded moment of compassion, gives him hope of an engagement as singer. The music-director Guhr holds out the same encouragement, amounting almost to a promise. They afterwards find that their intention cannot possibly be carried out. Kratz, greatly disappointed, brings an action against them for breach of promise. Other persons become implicated in this formidable law-suit, which is carried on for about two years. During all the time Kratz makes constant pedestrian tours into the country, giving musical-declamatory entertainments in the small towns and villages, living on the plainest of fare and sleeping upon straw. When he has scraped together a few thalers, he returns to Cassel to hand them over to his lawyer. One cannot but admire his energy; if he had employed only half of it in a noble cause, he might have done much good. He lost his law-suit and left Cassel.
On New Year's Eve, 1816, we find him in full-dress at a ball given by a former fellow-student, now a person of high position in Quedlinburg, who has taken him for a week into his house, and has dressed him up. The next day, Kratz reflects upon the event, in his journal, thus:—
"January 1st, 1817. Every thing changes in life. The deadening winter is followed by the reviving spring; out of the moistened eye beams again the sun-ray of joy. The first day of the last year found me in the hut of a peasant, sleeping on a couch of straw, and my rest unpleasantly disturbed by the firing of volleys by the peasant lads; the first day of this year finds me awake in a brilliantly-lighted saloon, where I am surrounded by varicoloured figures moving in the brightness of light, where the sound of music floats agreeably about my ears, while I am blissfully waltzing round with the most charming girl in the room."
Unfortunately for Kratz, this blissful state was of but short duration. Soon we find him again as before in his "Rambles of an Artist," except that he now moves gradually to the North, until he reaches Hamburg, which he enters, and where we lose sight of him.