Why, what’s the matter, Mrs. Smith? cried a neighbor, who happened to be present.

Pale and faint, Mrs. Smith pointed to an inscription on the crate. It read—

Bill inside!


Rear Admiral Osterhaus, at a luncheon in New York, said of a naval disappointment.

It was as disappointing as absent-minded Ibsen’s Christmas dinner.

Ibsen, you know, ran absent-mindedly one Christmas night into the restaurant of a railway station and asked—

Look here, waiter, did you say I had twenty minutes to wait or that it was twenty minutes to eight?

The Tipperary waiter stopped carving a turkey long enough to reply—