The French soldier found as much cause to complain about English as she is spoken as our lads did with the lingo over there. One of the tri-color veterans chirped up one day by letting out—Ze English spoken, pas bon. Here ze sentence—What color is ze blackberry when it is green? and I find out he is red!
General W. W. Blackmar was talking to a group of soldiers in Boston when a fakir came up and held out for inspection a rusty old sword.
Look at it, gents, he said, examine it close. It is the sword what Lee surrendered to Grant. You can have it for $5.
Go along with you, said one of the soldiers sternly. Go along with you. You can’t fool us.
The fakir hurried away, and General Blackmar said—
That was, indeed, an impudent fraud, wasn’t it? It reminds me of the frauds that were practiced in the old relic shows that used to be a feature of country fairs.
At a country fair in my youth there was a show devoted almost to biblical relics. I wish you could have seen the faded cloth, the rusty nails, and the brass jewels that did duty severally for a piece of Solomon’s robe, an earring of the Queen of Sheba, Absalom’s hairpin, David’s sling, and so on. In the place of honor hung a sword, and the showman said—
This is the sword that Balaam was going to kill his ass with.