Is de major got his pension yit?
Oh, yes!
Used him up purty bad, didn’t dey?
Wuss you ever see! Los’ one arm whilst he waz a-tryin’ ter surrender en broke two legs a runnin’!
When I was a little child, the sergeant sweetly addressed his men at the end of an hour’s exhaustive drill, I had a set of wooden soldiers. There was a poor little boy in the neighborhood and after I had been to Sunday school one day and listened to a stirring talk on the beauties of charity I was softened enough to give them to him. Then I wanted them back and cried, but mother said, Don’t cry, Bertie, some day you will get your wooden soldiers back, and believe me, you lob-sided, mutton-headed, goofus-brained set of certified rolling pins, that day has come.
A firm in Liverpool, delighted that one of its employes was called upon to join the reserves, volunteered to pay half his wages to his wife in his absence. At the end of the month the woman appeared, and the moiety was given her. What? she said; four pound? Yes, replied the senior partner, that is exactly half, sorry you are not satisfied. It isn’t that I’m not satisfied. Why, for years he has told me he only got 16 shillings altogether, and—and—if the Boers don’t kill him, I will.