No, your honor, said the criminal, and he burst into tears.
Well, said the judge, don’t cry, you’re going to be now.
This story of the election expenses of a Georgia lawyer who was defeated for county commissioner in the recent primary, reaches us by way of the Newark Ledger in a dispatch from Atlanta. His sworn statement runs—
Lost 1,349 hours’ sleep thinking about the election. Lost two front teeth and a whole lot of hair in a personal encounter with an opponent. Donated one beef, four shoats, and five sheep to a county barbecue. Gave away two pairs of suspenders, four calico dresses, $5 cash, and thirteen baby rattles. Kissed 126 babies. Kindled fourteen kitchen fires. Put up four stoves. Walked 4,076 miles. Shook hands with 9,508 persons. Told 10,101 lies, and talked enough to make, in print, 1,000 volumes. Attended sixteen revival meetings, and was baptized four different times by immersion, and twice some other way. Contributed $50 to foreign missions, and made love to nine grass widows. Hugged forty-nine old maids. Got dog-bit thirty-nine times, and was defeated.
Sam Kalleton, a member of the Arkansas Legislature, was very fond of offering amendments to bills introduced. That was the limit of his legislative capacity. One morning, after a night’s hilarity, he entered the legislative hall just as the chaplain was asking divine aid. The old man took a chew of tobacco, and listened attentively until the chaplain closed his petition with an effective recitation of the Lord’s Prayer. Mr. Speaker, said the old man, arising, I move to strike out the words daily bread, and insert as much bread as may be found necessary for twenty days. We have already done enough for the flood sufferers.
A prominent lawyer of New York says that many years ago he went West, but as he got no clients, and stood a good chance of starving, he decided to come East again. Without any money he boarded a train for Nashville, Tenn., intending to seek employment as reporter on one of the daily newspapers, says the New York Telegraph. When the conductor called for his ticket, he said—