“I know that, Helen. And that I have to bear, too. If he knew how I want to go,—how I long to go,—how it seems as if I must go,—he never would go off without me! I have to bid him good-bye, smilingly,—even though my heart breaks after he is gone.”
“Forgive me, Patty, I did misjudge you. You are bigger than I am. I should be too selfish to look at it as you do.”
“Perfect love casts out selfishness, Helen, even as it casts out fear. I know I am right. I’ve thought it all out for myself. It is my duty to stay at home, and to send my Billee away, with only words of cheer and Godspeed. It is my duty not to let him know my real feelings,—I mean the depth of sorrow and grief that I feel at his going. It is my duty to make it as easy for him to go as I possibly can,—and that can only be done by a light, even seemingly careless attitude on my part. I know what I’m talking about, dear, and I know that if he knew what is really in my heart for him,—he would take me with him—or,—stay at home! Oh, I don’t dare, Bumble, I don’t dare let him know!”
Patty’s earnestness carried conviction, and Helen saw at last that Patty’s sacrifice was because of the greatness of her love, not the lack of it.
“But this is between you and me, Helen. You are to tell no one, not even Nan, that I feel more deeply than I show. If Billee learns of my—oh, Helen,——” Patty burst into agonised tears, “if he should know,—and should coax me to go,—I couldn’t refuse him! I’d give in,—and I mustn’t, Bumble, I mustn’t!”
The little hands clenched and the white teeth fairly gritted in the desperation of Patty’s resolve.
And Helen at last understood that there is a love that is above consideration of self, and sacrifices personal happiness for the welfare of the loved one.
The date of Farnsworth’s trip to France was imminent, yet uncertain, and when Patty received an unexpected invitation from a school friend to make a little visit in Washington, she accepted gladly. It would give her a chance to be near Little Billee, and her friend, Rose Barrett, would, she knew, be most kind and sympathetic.
Helen was to go with Patty as far as Wilmington, where she, too, was to visit a friend.
“I shall take you to your friend’s very house!” Patty declared, “or else you’ll bring up in some alien household again!”