“Yes, I went to New York yesterday, and, if you’ll believe me, my dear, I never had such a day in all my life! You see, I thought I’d shop a little in the morning, and then meet John for luncheon, and go to the matinée afterward. Well, we did all that, but such a time as I had doing it!
“I didn’t go in town with John. He goes on that eight-thirty-nine—all our best commuters do; but it’s too early for me to get off. He said we’d lunch at a swell hotel—John’s a perfect dear about such things, if we have been married nearly two years. So, of course, I wanted to look my bestest, and I put on my new blue gown. I’d never had it on before, and—Yes, it is a hobble skirt; but I begged Miss Threadley not to make it extreme. I do hate extreme fashions. So she said she’d make a modified hobble, a hobblette, she calls it—and she assured me it would be all right. It’s a perfect beauty, my dear; but, good land! It’s exactly the shape of a bolster slip, and round the knees it’s fitted tightly and boned.
“Well, anyway, I got into the thing and started for the ten-forty-eight train. As I started to walk away I fell over at the very first step! Luckily I fell into a chair; but I bruised my knee and ankle dreadfully. Jane brought hot water and witch hazel and fixed me up, and I started again, for I didn’t want to lose that train. How I got downstairs I don’t know. It was a series of jumps and jounces. But, after this, I shall slide down on a tea tray, as I used to do when I was a child.
“Of course I knew it was only a matter of learning to walk in the thing, and I was bound to learn. I went along the street pretty well as long as I remembered to take little, tiny steps, but as I reached Maple Avenue I heard the train coming. You know there’s a good two blocks to go after that, so I ran! My dear, if you could have seen me! Talk about contortionists! Of course my running was just a sort of jiggety-jig trotting, but I had to keep going to preserve my equilibrium. I reached the train just as it was ready to move out of the station. I tried to step on, but you know how high the lowest step is. I simply couldn’t reach it. I tried first one foot and then the other, and neither would come anywhere near that step without tearing my skirt. And it wouldn’t tear! If it would, I should have let it go, for I was filled with mortification. At last the conductor and the brakeman took me by my elbows and swung me up or I never should have got aboard at all.
“Then in New York it was dreadful. You know how I cross the street? I simply have to do it my own way, for it makes me nervous to depend on those policemen. I always cross in the middle of a block to escape them. I just watch for a good chance, you know, and then I run across fast, and I always manage all right. But, yesterday, I tried to run, and that awful skirt held me back, and when I was about half way across I stumbled in it, and the trolley cars and motors just clambered all around me! How I got over alive I don’t know. I shouldn’t have, only two nice men and a boy seemed to spring up from somewhere to help me. Well, then I went on, and I suddenly discovered the lovely satin hem was getting awfully soiled. So I tried to hold it up, but—My dear, have you ever tried to hold up a hobblette? Well, don’t!
“It’s much more unmanageable than a sheath! I wanted to turn it up, like a man does his trousers legs, but I felt I was attracting enough attention as it was. Then, my dear, it was time to go to meet John, and I tried to get on a street car. Well, the board of aldermen, or whatever they are, will have to have those car steps made lower! I had my pay-as-you-go nickel all ready, but I just couldn’t get up to the place where you go. And the wretched conductor wouldn’t help me a bit! He just grinned, as if it were an old story to him. I tried three or four cars, but they all had high steps and unhelpful conductors; so I took a taxicab.
“They do have sense enough to build the steps of the taxicabs fairly low, so I got in all right and went straight to the hotel. Well, I had been shopping, you know, and I had spent much more than I thought I had—I always do, don’t you?—and, if you please, I didn’t have money enough in my purse to pay that cabman! But that isn’t the worst of it! I did have more money with me, but it was in my stocking. I always carry some extra bills there, and I’m rather an adept at getting it out, if need be, without anyone knowing what I’m doing. But that skirt wouldn’t budge! I stepped back into the cab and shut the door, but I simply couldn’t raise that hobblette enough to get my money. What could I do? Well, as good luck would have it, John came along just then, and I opened the cab door as if I had just arrived. John paid the bill.
“We had a lovely luncheon—John is a dear man to go about with—and then we went to a matinée. But, O, my dear, if my knees didn’t get cramped! Both feet went to sleep, but they wanted to walk in their sleep, and they couldn’t. Well, when we did come out I could scarcely stand, let alone walk! And John hurried me to the station. And when we reached the boat it was just beginning to move from the dock.
“‘Jump!’ said John. ‘It’s perfectly safe. I’ve got hold of you. We’ll jump together now.’
“‘I won’t!’ said I firmly, and I didn’t. Why, my dear, if I had we’d have both gone into the water.