"Um! H'm, yes! Hand me that A.B.C. on the tabouret there, will you? Thanks… What train d'jou take this morning? Seven fifty-three to Waterloo? So. Now, then… H'm yes! This would do it. I don't suppose by any chance you have a passenger-list of that ship with you?"
"Yes. I thought—"
"Hand it over." He flicked the pages rapidly until he found a name. Then he went very slowly through it, his
fingers following the list of cabins. When he found what he seemed to want, he made a comparison; but it was on the other side of the table and Morgan could not see precisely what had been done. "Now, then, excuse the old charlatan I moment. I am going to make some telephone-calls. Not Under torture would I reveal what I intend to do, or where's the fun of mystifying you, hey? Heh! There's no pleasure like mystification, my boy, if you can pull it off… As A matter of fact, I'm just going to wire the name of the murdered woman to Captain Whistler, with a few suggestions. Also it would be a good idea to ring up a branch of Victoria 7000 and make other suggestions. Have another bottle of beer."
lie lumbered across the room, chuckling fiendishly and Stamping his cane. When he returned, he was rubbing his hands in exultation behind a woman laden with the largest, most elaborately stocked lunch-tray Morgan had seen in a long time.
"Mash and sausage," he explained, inhaling sensuously. "Down here, Vida… Now, then. Let's get on with our story. There are several points on which I want to be enlightened, if you feel up to talking over the food. Your case, my boy, is the best surprise-package I've opened yet. With each separate event, I discover, there is no telling whether the thing is a water-pistol or a loaded automatic until you pull the trigger. In a way it's unique, because some of the best clues are only half-serious… "
"Question," said Morgan.
"1 exactly. Have you ever reflected," boomed Dr. Fell, tucking a napkin under his chin and pointing at his guest with a fork in the serene assumption that he had never reflected, "on old proverbs? On the sad state of affairs which makes old proverbs so popular, and so easy to quote, precisely because those old platitudes are the only maxims which to-day nobody believes? How many people really believe, for instance, 'honesty is the best policy'?—particularly if they happen to be honest themselves. How many people believe that 'early to bed and early to rise' have the e fleet designated? Similarly, we have the saw to the effect that many a true word is spoken in jest. A true application of
that principle would be too exciting; it would call for much more ingenuity and intelligence than most people are able to display; and it would make social life unendurable if; anybody for a moment believed that a true word could bespoken in jest — worse, for instance, than going out to] dinner with a crowd of psycho-analysts."
"What's all this?" said Morgan. "You can't hang a man on a joke.";