Take this same way with children. Always encourage them to try again, and make all the allowances and excuses you can, and
then they will feel that you are sorry for them, and they will wish and intend to do better next time.
And the worse children are, the more danger there is of their losing all hope of improving, and all sense of shame, and all desire to gain a good character. I have had young persons come to my care, who I saw had acted so badly and been found fault with so much, that they did not expect any thing else, and so they never tried. And when they saw I expected that they would do well, and pitied or excused their defects, and praised them for every thing that was at all commendable, they began to grow encouraged. And finding how pleasant it was to be praised, and to have some one that did not dislike them all the time for doing wrong, they made very great exertions, till they really became all that they saw I expected.
I have seen great changes made in very bad children, by merely stopping finding fault, and encouraging and praising as much as truth would allow. I advise you try the same method, when you have to deal with very bad
children. Stop finding fault; try to palliate and excuse as much as you can; try to convince them, you feel kindly to them; try to make them feel happy; act as if you expected they would try to do well; and every chance you can find, when they do well, commend them for it, and report their good conduct to their friends. Try this, and you will often find it will work wonders in improving bad children.
Be very careful, in talking with children, never to set an example of deceit. It often is as bad to deceive as it is to tell a direct lie, and a deceitful character is one of the worst and most disagreeable. For this reason never deceive children in any way, or for any purpose—and always express disgust if you see any deceitful tricks in them. Children soon learn to despise and dislike what others do, and if deceit is always spoken of as hateful and mean, they soon learn to feel so about it themselves.
Be careful to cherish feelings of strict honesty in children. Always advise them to ask leave to use each other’s things, and talk to them about the meanness and the danger of
taking or using what belongs to others without knowing that the owners are willing. Remember that “stealing, is using what belongs to others, without proper evidence that the owner is willing.” And the evil is not so much in the thing done, as in the want of an honest character in the person who does it. And this want of honesty can be shown, as much in little matters as it is in great ones. If a child sees you go and get a needle, or thread, or a bit of tape from its mother’s work basket, and knows that its mother would not be willing, your example leads it to steal also.—Remember these things, and beware lest you are the guilty cause of training children to deceit and dishonesty.
Always endeavour to make young children modest and delicate. Avoid vulgar and indelicate words and actions, and express great disgust when you see or hear any thing immodest or indelicate in them. Nothing saves children from future dangers so much as great care in this respect.
Try to cultivate in children a habit of industry. This is a great preservative from bad