CHAPTER II
I now knew that there was something mysterious about my parentage--the interview with my mother had at least settled that point--but all the certainty in the world could not prevent my mind continually turning to it, and this had rather a curious effect upon me: it made me quite humble-minded. I do not mean to imply that my normal state was bumptious beyond the ordinary, but it had a chastening effect upon my mind. I disliked the thought of the unknown. I desired to have a father whom I could speak of without any kind of doubt. As it was, I found it necessary, upon several occasions, to slur over any allusions to him, and schoolboys are not always tactful in their dealings with reticence. However, the fact that he had been a soldier generally proved sufficient to satisfy the curiosity of the inquirer.
Another thing which annoyed, or rather chafed me was the length of time that must necessarily elapse before I could know, for I had no doubt that it would not be until I came of age.
My disturbed state of mind did not prevent me enjoying my life immensely; and at eighteen I found myself in a very enviable position in the school, and one which I believe was a record in its way, for I was captain of the school, and also captain of the cricket eleven. I may say that the latter was by far the more important post in my eyes, and certainly much the nicer.
I take no credit for being the best boxer and fencer in the school, for I had done both since very early childhood, and had had most excellent instructors.
It was a great shock to me to learn that I was to leave school, it seemed to be the most complete upheaval I had ever experienced. I hated the idea, it caused me an infinite amount of real trouble to get myself into the proper frame of mind to behave decently about it. Yet, had I thought, I might have recalled numerous hints that I had received from my people, and which would have prepared me better; presumably I had been so engrossed in my own little affairs that I had not paid too much attention.
I shall never forget the last day of that term, I felt as though I was going to execution, and absolutely beastly; had I been a girl I should have cried my eyes out. With the eyes of my world upon me, however, I had to make a brave show, and say good-bye to every one and everything; and lastly I had to have an interview with the head-master. I had, naturally, had much to do with him as captain of the school, and we were very good friends.
He was a short, thickset man with a great white beard, who bore a tremendous reputation for severity among the boys; but those among them who got to know him found a warm-hearted, kindly, genial man. After speaking with me for some time he said good-bye, adding a few words which I shall never forget.
"My boy," he said, "I have this to say to you: no matter where you are, or what befalls you, remember that over us all, king or peasant, there is God. Turn to Him in your troubles, thank Him for your joys. That you will do your duty through life, I feel assured, however hard it may be, however irksome. The love you have inspired in your comrades will, I hope, be inspired by you in the world; I, and others, will pray for you in the future. May God keep you in his sight."
I could not help wondering, as I left his study, why such emphasis had been laid upon my future. What did it portend, did the head-master know anything of which I was ignorant perhaps, for since my interview with my mother two years before, I had made no further inquiries.