“Yes,” said he, “I’ll try it first. You take the back car, and go in from the front end, where you can see the faces of the ladies, and you stand by the one you think the handsomest, and I’ll come in from behind and kiss her.”
I had hardly stepped inside the car when I saw at the first glance one of the loveliest-looking women my eye ever fell upon,—a beautiful blonde, with auburn hair, and a bright, sunny face, full of love and sweetness, and as radiant and glowing as the morning. Any further search was totally unnecessary. I immediately took my stand in the aisle of the car by her side. She was looking out of the window earnestly, as if expecting some one. The back door of the car opened, and in stepped my hotel friend. I pointed my finger slyly to her, never dreaming that he would dare to carry out his pledge; and you may imagine my horror and amazement when he stepped up quickly behind her, and, stooping over, kissed her with a relish that made my mouth water from end to end.
I expected of course a shriek of terror, and then a row generally, and a knock-down; but astonishment succeeded astonishment when I saw her return the kisses with compound interest.
Quick as a flash he turned to me, and said, “Now, sir, it is your turn;” pointing to a hideously ugly, wrinkled old woman who sat in the seat behind.
“Oh, you must excuse me! you must excuse me!” I exclaimed. “I’m sold this time. I give up. Do tell me whom you have been kissing.”
“Well,” said he, “since you are a man of so much taste and such quick perception, I’ll let you off.” And we all burst into a general peal of laughter, as he said, “This is my wife! I have been waiting here for her. I knew that was a safe proposition.” He told the story to his wife, who looked tenfold sweeter as she heard it.
Before we reached Chicago, we exchanged cards, and I discovered that my genial companion was a popular Episcopalian preacher whose name I had frequently heard.
“LET ME KISS HIM FOR HIS MOTHER.”[28]
Among the funny incidents that took place during the late sectional conflict between the States is one that is thus recorded: