This has given me time to think over the outburst of indignation in re the slave circular. We did not see the papers, so can only guess what they said, but expect that this diabolical fact caused upraised hands in horror, “Was the world coming to an end?” What complete rubbish! Was it not announced openly that the Soudan was going to be abandoned, and consequently that the Soudanese were to be allowed to follow their own devices (which are decidedly slave-huntingly inclined)? What possible influence could my saying that that feeble Treaty of 1877 was not going to be enforced, have on people who were going to be abandoned? The sole and only object of my mission was to get out the garrisons and refugees without loss of life. And in saying what I did I merely told the people a platitude.
Baring deigned to say he would support me! Of course, that was an enormous assistance, to have his approbation. I expect that my asking for Zubair to come up was the last drop in the cup, and henceforth I was a complete pariah, yet, in reality, if the Soudan was to be abandoned, what difference could it possibly make whether Zubair or the Mahdi carried on slave-hunting, for, according to all accounts, the Mahdi is most active in this direction (so says the Greek). We had decided to abandon the Soudan, and to leave it to its own devices; the only obstacle to this were those horrid garrisons; once we could get them out, then chaos might reign, for all we cared. The Arabs, foolishly, would not let us return, consequently the present position. Zubair’s coming up, when I asked for him, would have, I think, saved Berber, and greatly facilitated the getting down of those garrisons, which we only care for, because it is a palpable dishonour to abandon them, “they ought to have surrendered at once, troublesome people that they are, giving so much bother!”
Stewart will bear witness that my whole efforts have been, and will be, directed to carry out my instructions, viz., the withdrawal of the garrisons and refugees, and had it not been for the defeat of Mahomet Ali Pasha, I should have got out at least two-thirds of those at Kartoum and Sennaar. I was engaged in a certain work, i.e., to take down the garrisons, &c. It suited me altogether to accept this work (when once it was decided on to abandon the Soudan), which, to my idea, is preferable to letting it be under those wretched effete Egyptian Pashas. Her Majesty’s Government agreed to send me. It was a mutual affair, they owe me positively nothing, and I owe them nothing. A Member of Parliament, in one of our last received papers, asked “whether officers were not supposed to go where they were ordered?” I quite agree with his view, but it cannot be said I was ordered to go. The subject was too complex for any order. It was “Will you go and try?” and my answer was, “Only too delighted.” As for all that may be said of our holding out, &c., &c., it is all twaddle, for we had no option; as for all that may be said as to why I did not escape with Stewart, it is simply because the people would not have been such fools as to have let me go, so there is an end of those greatcoats of self-sacrifice, &c. Place before men the chance of success by holding out, and the certainty of death, or miserable captivity, if they give in, there is not much credit in holding out. I must add in re, “the people not letting me go,” that even if they had been willing for me to go, I would not have gone and left them in their misery. I think I say truly, I have never asked for a British expedition. I asked for two hundred men to be sent to Berber at a time when, Graham having beaten Osman Digma, one might have supposed there was no risk for those two hundred men, and I asked for Zubair.[58]
Baring offended Cuzzi, who revenged himself by betraying Berber. Baring openly announced “that no troops would come up to Berber,” which was a gratuitous act on his part. We may be sure Cuzzi (who loves Baring) did not fail to tell this to the Mahdi, yet Baring pitched into me for indiscretion in asking openly for Zubair,[59] which I did on purpose, in order to save Her Majesty’s Government the odium of such a step! As for Zubair’s refusing to come up (as Cuzzi says he did), I put it down to some palace intrigue, and consider (if it is true) he was forced into saying so. If any Expedition comes up, I am grateful officially for the people’s sake, but I consider that it is a right they possess, for, had not Egypt been interfered with, somewhat more than seven persons would have come up here, as reinforcements, between 21st November, 1883, when Hicks’ defeat was known, and 19th September, 1884. I am grateful personally, because, as surely as the chief of that expedition comes up, I will put on him the burthen of the Government (doing what I can to help him). I am unable to forget the sufferings of these peoples, owing to our want of decision in re Zubair, and no soft words will obliterate those sufferings from my memory. It is not over praiseworthy if one holds out, when, if you do not, your throat is cut.
I am deeply grateful to those who have prayed for us.
Any expeditionary force that may come up comes up for the honour of England, and England will be grateful, and I can hang the yoke of Government on some one else, for the solution of the problem.
Any one reading the telegram[60] 5th May, Suakin, 29th April, Massowah, and without date, Egerton saying, “Her Majesty’s Government does not entertain your proposal to supply Turkish or other troops in order to undertake military operations in Soudan, and consequently if you stay at Kartoum you should state your reasons,” might imagine one was luxuriating up here, whereas, I am sure, no one wishes more to be out of it than myself; the “reasons” are those horridly plucky Arabs.
I own to having been very insubordinate to Her Majesty’s Government and its officials, but it is my nature, and I cannot help it. I fear I have not even tried to play battledore and shuttlecock with them. I know if I was chief I would never employ myself, for I am incorrigible. To men like Dilke, who weigh every word, I must be perfect poison. I wonder what the telegrams about Soudan have cost Her Majesty’s Government? It has been truly a horrid question. There is the Town El Obeyed and the Sheikh El Obeyed; there is the Haloman of Cairo and the Haloman of Kartoum. Sanderson must have a hard time of it. “The city moves about!” “Why, if Haloman is attacked, Cairo must be in danger! Send for Wolseley! Kartoum forces defeated by Sheikh el Obeyed! Why, the town must have moved! Is not El Obeyed the place Hicks went to take? Most extraordinary! Send for Wolseley!”
“Eureka, I have found it out; there is a man called El Obeyed and a town called El Obeyed. When a movement occurs, it is the man, not the town, which has moved!” After this I shall hesitate to ask for any appointment from Foreign Office, and I shall get no more crisp bank-notes, as I used to do from old Cunnynghame in 1858-59 (when Alston was a boy, so to say), in those dingy rooms in Downing Street, now pulled down. One can fancy them saying “That brute of a Mahdi!” “That horrid resurrection of Stewart, Power, and Herbin at Dongola!” It will destroy all the well earned repose of Her Majesty’s Government. As Sir Wilfrid Lawson (he is an irregular) said, “One day you will groan when you hear of Tel el Kebir.” I think of all the pusillanimous businesses which happened in 1882 the flight of the Europeans from Alexandria before these wretched fellaheen troops, was the worst. Why, had they barricaded their streets, they would have held Alexandria against 50,000 of these poor things (like Abbot did his hotel and the Egyptian bank their offices). A more contemptible soldier than the Egyptian never existed. Here we never count on them; they are held in supreme contempt, poor creatures. They never go out to fight; it would be perfectly iniquitous to make them. We tried it once, and they refused point blank to leave the steamers. We are keeping them in cotton wool to send down to Baring (if he has weathered the storm?)
“Blessed is the man who does not sit in the seat of the scornful” (Ps. i. 1). I own it is not right to scoff at one’s superiors, but I do not do it in malice, and I hope those who are remarked upon will not be offended. Life is a very leaden business, and if any one can lighten it, so much the better. Because I criticise Baring, Egerton, and the Foreign Office, it is not that I think I am their superior, but because I would like them to see how others, outside themselves, view things. Because I may differ with them it is no reason why they may not be right, and acting uprightly, and I may be utterly wrong. I am sure the “Siren” Malet is conscientiously sure all he did in Egypt was right; if visited in Brussels one will see, at a glance, he is plainly content.