About a week since, a dashing young blade, dressed in the very height of the prevailing fashion, having long black and curly hair, together with a pair of out-and-out slap-up whiskers and moustaches, and calling himself Count de Coburgh Aingarpatzziwutchz, and professing to be a foreigner and a man of enormous fortune, and one of the haut ton! took up his lodging at the principal inn, The —— Arms, in this town, where the swell foreigner looking blade soon made a great stir among the ladies of the place; the old, the young, the tall, the short, the fair, and the dark, were all alike smitten over head and ears in love with the distinguished visitor, but none seemed to make so much impression upon his heart as Mary Jane Jemima S——w, the youngest of the landlord’s daughters of The —— Arms Inn, of this town. She is well known in this neighbourhood to be very handsome, with light brown hair all in ringlets, light blue eyes, a fine aquiline nose, and of a tall and commanding figure, aged about sweet 17 years of age, and very tender.
The foreign Count! soon won the affections of the young lady, and while she was all cock-a-hoop at the thought of having such a fine handsome young blade for a husband, all the other women of the town, old and young, were ready to tear out her eyes and boil them in their own blood with womanly vexation and revenge, and spoke of the intended bridegroom as the Count Don’t-know-who!
On Thursday the bells of the old parish church rang merrily ding!-dong!!-ding!!! and the happy couple were married, our old and respected Rector officiating; assisted by his Curate, Rev. Mr. ——, and all the parish was gay from one end to the other.
A few hours after the ceremony had taken place, whilst the happy couple were feasting on all of the very best with their friends and relations, a stranger, fat and greasy, and looking like a master or journeyman butcher in his Sunday clothes, and about forty years of age, and black whiskers, made his appearance, and not being acquainted with the occasion that brought the party together, without hesitation exclaimed, loud enough to be heard by all in the room, “Well, brother-blade, you are a lucky fellow! the business about Sal Saunders is all settled to our satisfaction, the lawyer made a good job of it for you, poleaxed the lot on the other side in prime style, and skinned ’em alive, so you may now return home to Whitechapel and put on your blue apron and steel.”—The company stood aghast, the bride fainted, and all was confusion. At length it came out that the newly-married man had a wife and four children at home, and that his visit to the above town was in consequence of a woman swearing a child to him. In the midst of the confusion which this discovery occasioned, the bridegroom and his brother slaughterman from Whitechapel—which is in London—made a sudden retreat, and—have not since been heard of.
THE EFFECTS OF LOVE.
SAD SHOCKING NEWS!