“I am actually nervous when a day’s illness comes on me, and solely for this cause [namely, that he feared he could not keep up his insurance payments]. I don’t mention this in any low spirits and depression, but as the only available mode I can think of for tying up my hands,—for whatever is once devoted to any given object I’ll refrain from, and there is no fear of my incurring debt, though I freely confess I can spend my utmost farthing.”
To Mr Alexander Spencer.
“June 22, 1841.
“I almost thought I should have had another gossip with you ere this—je vous dirai pourquoi,—don’t laugh, though I’ll forgive you even if you should,—but I received a requisition asking me to allow myself to be put in nomination for Trinity College at the coming election. As I write hurriedly, I can only say that although the matter gave me more surprise than satisfaction, yet on thinking over it, weighing all the pros and cons, reflecting that, although unsuccessful now, I might, if well supported, be luckier at a later period; and finally, thinking that politics are about the best trade going, I said rather more yea than nay: all the calculations of my friends say that Shaw must be beaten, and [ ] has no hope, if contested. The B. of Exeter is most warm in my cause, and says, ‘Start for Trinity, for if unsuccessful there, your colours are shown and you’ll get another ship.’
“Now I have gone cautiously to work. I have said, Tell me what can you do for me? say what forces can you bring into the field in my support? what are my chances? what are my expenses?
“The medicals would stand by me well, so would a large section of my Bar friends. The parsons are, however, the main body. What would they do? I can’t guess.
“Meanwhile I am on the tenter-hooks: each post may decide me one way or the other, and, to confess the fact, I have enormous confidence in my good luck. I never pushed it yet without a fortunate result, and I am more than ever inclined to test its constancy.
“I write these few and very hurried lines solely to apprise you of what is going forward. Before this reaches you the whole may have ended in smoke, or I may be on my way over.
“If the latter, I shall of course be as anxious as may be; only believe one thing: rash as I may seem when determined to make a spring, I take time enough, before I gird for the effort, to reflect upon the consequences and calculate the results. With my warmest regard to you and yours.”
To Mr Alexander Spencer.