'Whose horse is that with the groom?' 'Lord Dudley de Vere's, sir; he's upstairs.' Already had I turned to go to the drawing-room, when I heard these words. Suddenly, a faint, half-sick feeling came over me, and I hastened upstairs to my own room, actually dreading to meet any one as I went. The blank future before me never seemed so cheerless as at that moment—separated, without a chance of ever meeting, from the only one I ever really loved; tortured by my doubts of her feeling for me (for even now what would I not have given to know she loved me!) my worldly prospects ruined; without a home; my cousin Julia, the only one who retained either an interest in me or seemed to care for me, about to give her hand to the man I hated and despised. 'How soon, and I shall be alone in the world!' thought I; and already the cold selfishness of isolation presented itself to my mind.
A gentle tap came to the door. I opened it; it was a message from Lady Charlotte, requesting to see me in her room. As I passed the door of the drawing-room I heard Lady Julia and Lord de Vere talking and laughing together. He was, as usual, 'so amusing,' as my mother's letter called him—doubtless, relating my hasty and intemperate conduct at the Horse Guards. For an instant I stopped irresolute as to whether I should not break suddenly in, and disconcert his lordship's practical coolness by a disclosure: my better reason prevented me, and I passed on. Lady Charlotte was seated in a deep arm-chair, inspecting the packing of various articles of toilette and jewelry which were going on around her, her cheek somewhat flushed from even this small excitement.
'Ah, dearest John, how d'ye do? Find a chair somewhere, and sit down by me; you see what confusion we 're in. Dr. Y—— found there was not an hour to spare; the heart he suspects to be sympathetically engaged—don't put that Chantilly veil there, I shall never get at it—and he advises Hastings for the present. He's coming with us, however—I'll wear that ring, Clémence—and I must insist at his looking at you. You are very pale to-day, and dark under the eyes; have you any pain in the side?'
'None whatever, my dear mother; I'm quite well.'
'Pain is, however, a late symptom; my attack began with an—a sense of—it was rather—— Has Bundal not sent back that bracelet? How very provoking! Could you call there, dear John?—that tiresome man never minds the servants—it's just on your way to the club, or the Horse Guards, or somewhere.'
I could scarce help a smile, as I promised not to forget the commission.
'And now, my dear, how did his grace receive you? You saw him this morning?'
'My interview was quite satisfactory on the main point. I am appointed to the Twenty-seventh.'
'Why not on the staff, dear John? You surely don't mean to leave England! Having been abroad already—in Ireland I mean—it's very hard to expect you to go so soon again. Lady Jane Colthurst's son has never been farther from her than Knightsbridge; and I'm sure I don't see why we are to be treated worse than she is.'
'But my own wish——'