What was to be the remainder of the speech I know not, for as the crowd moved on she passed with it, leaving me like one whose senses were forsaking him one by one. I could only hear my mother say, 'How very impertinent!' and then my brain became a chaos. A kind of wild reckless feeling, the savage longing that in moments of dark passion stirs within a man for some act of cruelty, some deed of vengeance, ran through my breast. I had been spurned, despised, disowned by her of whom through many a weary month my heart alone was full. I hurried away from the spot, my brain on fire. I saw nothing, I heeded nothing, of the bright looks and laughing faces that passed me; scornful pity and contempt for one so low as I was seemed to prevail in every face I looked at. A strange impulse to seek out Lord Dudley de Vere was uppermost in my mind; and as I turned on every side to find him, I felt my arm grasped tightly, and heard O'Grady's voice in my ear—
'Be calm, Jack, for heaven's sake! Your disturbed looks make every one stare at you.'
He drew me along with him through the crowd, and at length reached a card-room, where, except the players, no one was present.
'Come, my dear boy, I saw what has annoyed you.'
'You saw it!' said I, my eyeballs straining as I spoke.
'Yes, yes; and what signifies it? So very handsome a girl, and the expectation of a large fortune, must always have followers. But you know Lady Julia well enough——'
'Lady Julia!' repeated I, in amazement.
'Yes. I say you know her well enough to believe that Beulwitz is not exactly the person——'
A burst of laughter at his mistake broke from me at the moment; but so wild and discordant was it that O'Grady misconstrued its meaning, and went at some length to assure me that my cousin's affection for me was beyond my suspicion.
Stunned by my own overwhelming sorrow, I felt no inclination to undeceive him, and let him persist in his error without even a word of reply.