“You 'll have to cram me, Heathcote, with the whole case. I must be able to make an effective speech, narrating all the great exploits you have done, with everywhere you have been, before I come to the grievance, and the motion for 'all the correspondence between Captain Heathcote and the authorities at the Horse Guards, respecting his application to be reinstated in the army.' I 'll get a special Tuesday for the motion, and I 'll have Howley in to second me, and maybe we won't shake the Treasury benches! for you see the question opens everything that ever was, or could be, said about the army. It opens Horse Guards cruelty and irresponsibility, those Bashi-Bazouks that rule the service like despots; it opens the purchase system from end to end; it opens the question of promotion by merit; it opens the great problem of retirement and superannuation. By my conscience! I think I could bring the Thirty-nine Articles into it, if I was vexed.”
The Member for Inch had all that persuasive power a ready tongue and an unscrupulous temper supply, and speedily convinced the young soldier that his case would not alone redound to his own advancement but become a precedent, which should benefit hundreds of others equally badly treated as himself.
It was while thus conning over the project, O'Shea mentioned, in deepest confidence, the means of that extraordinary success which, he averred, had never failed to attend all his efforts in the House, and this was, that he never ventured on one of his grand displays without a previous rehearsal at home; that is, he assembled at his own lodgings a supper company of his most acute and intelligent friends—young barristers, men engaged on the daily or weekly press—the smart squib-writers and caricaturists of the day—alive to everything ridiculous, and unsparing in their criticism; and by these was he judged in a sort of mock Parliament formed by themselves. To each of these was allotted the character of some noted speaker in the House, who did his best to personate the individual by every trait of manner, voice, and action, while a grave, imposing-looking man, named Doran, was a capital counterfeit of the “Speaker.”
O'Shea explained to Heathcote that the great advantage of this scheme consisted in the way it secured one against surprises; no possible interruption being omitted, nor any cavilling objection spared to the orator. “You'll see,” he added, “that after sustaining these assaults, the attack of the real fellows is only pastime.”
The day being fixed on, the company, numbering nigh twenty, assembled, and Charles Heathcote could not avoid observing that their general air and appearance were scarcely senatorial. O'Shea assured him gravity would soon succeed to the supper, and dignity come in with the whiskey-punch. This was so far borne out that when the cloth was removed, and a number of glasses and bottles were distributed over the blackened mahogany, a grave and almost austere bearing was at once assumed by the meeting. Doran also took his place as Speaker, his cotton umbrella being laid before him as the mace. The orders of the day were speedily disposed of, and a few questions as to the supply of potables satisfactorily answered, when O'Shea arose to bring on the case of the evening,—a motion “for all the correspondence between the authorities of the Horse Guards and Captain Heathcote, respecting the application of the latter to be reinstated in the service.”
The Secretary-at-War, a red-faced, pimply man, subeditor of a Sunday paper, objected to the production of the papers; and a smart sparring-match ensued, in which O'Shea suffered rather heavily, but at last came out victorious, being allowed to state the grounds for his application.
O'Shea began with due solemnity, modestly assuring the House that he wished the task had fallen to one more competent than himself, and more conversant with those professional details which would necessarily occupy a large space in the narrative.
“Surely the honorable member held a commission in the Clare Fencibles.”
“Was not the honorable member's father a band-master in the Fifty-fourth?” cried another.
“To the insolent interruptions which have met me,” said O'Shea, indignantly—