“These were flattering visions, while for me the trap was baited with port, duty free, and strong Burgundy, at one and sixpence a bottle. My son Tom was taught to expect cigars at twopence a dozen; and my second daughter, Mary, was told that, with the least instruction, her Irish jig could be converted into a polka. In fact, it was clear we had only to go abroad to save two-thirds of our income, and become the most accomplished people into the bargain.
“From the hour this notion was mooted amongst us, Ireland became detestable. The very pleasures and pastimes we once liked, grew distasteful; even the society of our friends came associated with ideas of vulgarity that deprived it of all enjoyment.
“‘That miserable satin-turque,’ exclaimed my wife, ‘it is a mere rag, and it cost me five and ninepence a yard. Mrs. Fitz. says that a shop-girl would n’t wear it in Paris.’
“‘Infernal climate!’ cries Tom; ‘nothing but rain above and mud beneath.’
“‘And, dear papa,’ cries Sophy, ‘old Flannigan has no more notion of French than I have of fortification. He calls the man that sells sausages the ‘Marchand de combustibles.’
“If these were not reasons for going abroad, I know nothing of Ireland; and so we advertised ‘Castle Blake’ to be let, and the farming-stock to be sold. The latter wasn’t difficult. My neighbors bought up everything at short bills, to be renewed whenever they became due. As for the house, it was n’t so easy to find a tenant. So I put in the herd to take care of it, and gave him the garden for his pains. I turned in my cattle over the lawn, which, after eating the grass, took to nibbling the young trees and barking the older ones. This was not a very successful commencement of economy; but Mrs. Fitz. always said,—
“‘What matter? you ‘ll save more than double the amount the first year you are abroad.’
“To carry out their economical views, it was determined that Brussels, and not Paris, should be our residence for the first year; and thither my wife and two sons and five daughters repaired, under the special guidance of Mrs. Fitz., who undertook the whole management of our affairs, both domestic and social. I was left behind to arrange certain money matters, and about the payment of interest on some mortgages, which I consoled myself by thinking that a few years of foreign economy would enable me to pay off in full.
“It was nearly six months after their departure from Ireland that I prepared to follow,—not in such good spirits, I confess, as I once hoped would be my companions on the journey. The cheapness of Continental life requires, it would appear, considerable outlay at the first, probably on the principle that a pastry-cook’s apprentice is always surfeited with tarts during the first week, so that he never gets any taste for sweetmeats afterwards. This might account for my wife having drawn about twelve hundred pounds in that short time, and always accompanying every fresh demand for money with an eloquent panegyric on her own economy. To believe her, never was there a household so admirably managed. The housemaid could dress hair; the butler could drive the carriage; the writing-master taught music; the dancing-master gave my eldest daughter a lesson in French without any extra charge. Everything that was expensive was the cheapest in the end. Genoa velvet lasted for ever; real Brussels lace never wore out; it was only the ‘mock things’ that were costly. It was frightful to think how many families were brought to ruin by cheap articles!
“‘I suppose it’s all right,’ said I to myself; ‘and so far as I am concerned I ‘ll not beggar my family by taking to cheap wines. If they have any Burgundy that goes so high as one and eightpence, I will drink two bottles every day.’