So the truncheon marched off Mr. Grimes, looking as meek as a drowned worm.
And for aught I know, or do not know, he is sweeping the crater of Etna to this very day.
"And now," said the fairy to Tom, "your work here is done. You may as well go back again."
"I should be glad enough to go," said Tom, "but how am I to get up that great hole again, now the steam has stopped blowing?"
"I will take you up the backstairs: but I must bandage your eyes first; for I never allow anybody to see those backstairs of mine."
"I am sure I shall not tell anybody about them, ma'am, if you bid me not."
"Aha! So you think, my little man. But you would soon forget your promise if you got back into the land-world. For, if people only once found out that you had been up my backstairs, you would have all the fine ladies kneeling to you, and the rich men emptying their purses before you, and statesmen offering you place and power; and young and old, rich and poor, crying to you, 'Only tell us the great backstairs secret, and we will be your slaves; we will make you lord, king, emperor, bishop, archbishop, pope, if you like—only tell us the secret of the backstairs. For thousands of years we have been paying, and petting, and obeying, and worshipping quacks who told us they had the key of the backstairs, and could smuggle us up them; and in spite of all our disappointments, we will honour, and glorify, and adore, and beatify, and translate, and apotheotise you likewise, on the chance of your knowing something about the backstairs, that we may all go on pilgrimage to it; and, even if we cannot get up it, lie at the foot of it, and cry—
| 'Oh, backstairs, | |
| precious backstairs, | comfortable backstairs, |
| invaluable backstairs, | humane backstairs, |
| requisite backstairs, | reasonable backstairs, |
| necessary backstairs, | long-sought backstairs, |
| good-natured backstairs, | coveted backstairs, |
| cosmopolitan backstairs, | aristocratic backstairs, |
| comprehensive backstairs, | respectable backstairs, |
| accommodating backstairs, | gentlemanlike backstairs, |
| well-bred backstairs, | ladylike backstairs, |
| commercial backstairs, | orthodox backstairs, |
| economical backstairs, | probable backstairs, |
| practical backstairs, | credible backstairs, |
| logical backstairs, | demonstrable backstairs, |
| deductive backstairs, | irrefragable backstairs, |
| potent backstairs, | |
| all-but-omnipotent backstairs, | |
| &c. | |
Save us from the consequences of our own actions, and from the cruel fairy, Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid!' Do not you think that you would be a little tempted then to tell what you know, laddie?"
Tom thought so certainly. "But why do they want so to know about the backstairs?" asked he, being a little frightened at the long words, and not understanding them the least; as, indeed, he was not meant to do, or you either.