OUR REAL DESIDERATUM
(By a "Well-informed" Fool)
Ah! I was fogged by the Materialistic,
By Huxley and by Zola, Koch and Moore;
And now there comes a Maëlstrom of the Mystic
To whirl me further yet from sense's shore.
Microbes were much too much for me, bacilli
Bewildered me, and phagocytes did daze,
But now the author 'cute of Piccadilly,
Harris the Prophet, the Blavatsky craze,
Thibet, Theosophy, and Bounding Brothers—
No, Mystic Ones—Mahatmas I should say,
But really they seem so much like the others
In slippery agility!—day by day
Mystify me yet more. Those germs were bad enough,
But what are they compared with Astral Bodies?
Of Useless Knowledge I have almost had enough,
I really envy uninquiring noddies.
I would not be a Chela if I could.
I have a horror of the Esoterical.
Besant and Olcott may be wise and good,
They seem to me pursuing the chimerical.
Maddened by mysteries of "Precipitation,"
The Occult Dream and the Bacillus-Dance;
We need Societies for the propagation
Of Useful—Ignorance!
This bracketing of Huxley with Zola is decidedly unfair, and the juxtaposition of Koch the famous physiologist and of Mr. George Moore—already known for his realistic romances—borders on the grotesque. Piccadilly is, of course, the brilliant novel by Laurence Oliphant, diplomatist, man of the world and mystic, who became the disciple of the American "prophet" Harris, spiritualist and founder of the "Brotherhood of the New Life"; and Blavatsky is the amazing Russian lady who brought a new religion from the Far East as another woman, Mrs. Eddy, brought another from the Far West. Madame Blavatsky is no more, but Mrs. Besant is still very much with us, and Theosophy and Christian Science are firmly established in a country which, as the French cynic remarked, boasts a hundred and fifty religions but only one sauce.
LAST NEWS FROM THE SPIRIT-WORLD
Medium: "The spirit of the late Mr. Jones is present."
Jones's Widow (with emotion): "I hope you are happy, Jones!"
Jones (raps out): "Far happier than I ever was on earth!"
Jones's Widow: "Oh, Jones! Then you must be in Heaven!"
Jones: "On the contrary!"
