But if verse was at a discount, new forms of prose were emerging, and the spasmodic discourses of Mr. Bart Kennedy in the Daily Mail moved Punch to parody what he considered to be a variant on Walt Whitman, in which sentences were reduced to a minimum and verbs were dispensed with altogether. Another new writer to whom Punch now paid the homage of parody was Mr. Chesterton, whose glittering paradoxes are travestied in a mock eulogy of Bradshaw, in the manner of "G. K. C.'s" book on Dickens. Bradshaw is praised for his splendid consistency, his adherence to fact, his uniform excellence of style and freedom from extraneous matter. Moreover, he is a great teacher:—
The last and deepest lesson of Bradshaw is that we must be in time. No man can miss a train and miss a train only. He misses more than that. A man who misses a train misses an opportunity. It is probably the reason of the terrific worldly success of Cæsar and Charlemagne that neither of them ever missed a train.
Reviews of books, chiefly novels, became a regular feature of each week's issue in the latter half of this period, and it would be impossible to deal fully with Punch's critical activities. As an example of the frank handling of a bad book it would be hard to improve on the notice of a novel which appeared in 1906: "Anyone who wants to read a vulgar book in praise of vicious vulgarians should read——, by————. All others are counselled to avoid it."
Punch's later and more tolerant mood may be illustrated by his notices of three typical novels by three representative novelists of post-Victorian days. Mr. Wells's Ann Veronica in 1908 is received with guarded praise as that author's first real novel and "a remarkably clever book about rather unpleasant people." In 1910 Punch shies at the excessive length and accumulated detail of Mr. Arnold Bennett's Clayhanger, but admits that the author makes wonderful use of unpromising material in his remarkable work. Thirdly, in 1913, Punch's reviewer proclaims himself a whole-hearted admirer of Mr. Compton Mackenzie's Sinister Street, finding the hero "a figure to love," and the whole book marked by passionate honesty, marvellously minute observation, humour, and a haunting beauty of ideas and words. In conclusion, he is "prepared to wager that Mr. Mackenzie's future is bound up with what is most considerable in English fiction," adding, "We shall see."
THE "SEXO-MANIA"
"We think Lips that have Gone Astray the foulest novel that ever yet defiled the English tongue; and that in absolute filth its Author can give any modern French writer six and beat him hollow!"—The Parthenon.
Fair Author (to her Publisher, pointing to above opinion of the Press quoted in his advertisement of her novel): "And pray, Mr. Shardson, what do you mean by inserting this hideous notice?"
Publisher: "My dear Miss Fitzmorse, you must remember that we've paid you a large price for your book, and brought it out at great expense—and we naturally wish to sell it!"