Do you find that the music of Auber

And Elgar is equally tame?

Do you read without blushing or winking

The novels of Elinor Glyn?

Do you constantly hanker, when rinking,

For draughts of sloe gin?

If I am correct in divining

The tortures you daily endure,

Don't waste any time in repining,

But try this infallible cure: