Cank. Leave your blundering, you blockhead, and tell me how it was received; did they hiss it?
Foot. Yes Zir, yes Zir, there was as much hizzing as when your Tragedy was acted.
Cank. Rascal, how dare you mention that, hissed. (Strikes him)
Foot. Why what the Devil would you have a Man zay. You be'ent pleased when I tell you it was clapt, nor you be'ent pleased when I tell you it was hissed. (Cries) But whether you are pleased or no, I tell you it was clapt very much and was ten times comicaller than your Tragedy, and made the People laugh more.
(Runs off for fear of being beat)
Cank. How this ignorant Rascal has teized me by his Account! I can't tell whether it was damned or saved; he said it was clapt—but he said afterwards it was hissed—it may be so for it is impossible mere Incidents, which are the chief Merit of this Piece, should make it succeed! Were I sure of that, would I had gone myself! O what a secret Rapture should I have had in the hypocritical Exertion of my seeming good Nature in the Author's behalf. When I was sure it would not serve him, I would have stabbed and wounded his Fame by my pity for his ill Success, 'till I had made both him and his Play as contemptible as Vanity and Dullness, but the Fear of being martyred by its Applause was insupportable. I could never have survived it.
(Enter Mr. HEARTLY)
Heart. Mr. Canker, your most humble Servant.
Cank. Mr. Heartly, yours.
Heart. Are the Ladies come home from the Play?