Mrs. C. (picking up her napkin, sharply). John Clark, what you have just said is also ungrammatical. It is very incorrect for you to say “I won’t use that word no more.”
Mr. C. (raising another piece of potato on his knife). But, my dear, I don’t see why it is incorrect for me to say that I won’t use the word “ain’t” again. Now you’re blaming me for not using it.
Mrs. C. (a little confused). You know very well what I mean! (Suddenly and more sharply.) John, how many times have I requested you not to eat with your knife?
Mr. C. (letting his knife fall out of his hand to the floor). But what is a knife for if it isn’t to eat with?
Mrs. C. (in tone of utter disgust). Oh, won’t you ever speak correct English. Why couldn’t you have said, “What is the purpose of a table-knife if it is not to use in eating?”
Mr. C. (very cordially, reaching down to pick up the fallen knife). You are exactly right, my dear. I agree wholly with you—the purpose of a table-knife is to be used in eating.
Mrs. C. (very sharply). But a table-knife is not a freight elevator, John Clark!
Mr. C. (starting to raise more potato on his knife). No, Martha, a fork is the proper instrument with which to convey a piece of meat from one’s plate to one’s mouth.
Mrs. C. (rising hastily, speaking quickly). John, stop that! Never use a knife, even at home, that has fallen to the floor! (Goes to the sideboard, opens a drawer, takes out a table-knife and exchanges this knife for the one just dropped by Mr. C.) There! (Resuming her seat.) Don’t you dare to misuse this knife as you misused the other one, John Clark!
Mr. C. (rather humbly). No, ma’am! Still, it’s ever so much easier to eat with my knife than with my fork.