Fifty Years in the Church of Rome

by Charles Paschal Telesphore Chiniquy

One day one of the students, called Desaulnier, who was sick in the same room with me, asked me: “Chiniquy, what do you think of the matters which are the objects of our present theological studies? Is it not a burning shame that we must allow our minds to be so polluted?”

“I cannot sufficiently tell you my feelings of disgust,” I answered. “Had I known sooner that we were to be dragged over such a ground, I certainly never would have nailed my future to the banners under which we are irrevocably bound to live.”

“Do you know,” said Desaulnier, “that I am determined never to consent to be ordained a priest; for when I think of the fact that the priest is bound to confer with women on all these polluting matters, I feel an insurmountable disgust and shame.”

“I am not less troubled,” I replied. “My head aches and my heart sinks within me, when I hear our theologians telling us that we will be in conscience bound to speak to females on these impure subjects. But sometimes this looks to me as if it were a bad dream, the impure phantoms of which will disappear at the first awakening. Our Church, which is so pure and holy, that she can only be served by the spotless virgins, surely cannot compel us to pollute our lips, thoughts, souls, and even our bodies, by speaking to strange women on matters so defiling!”

“But we are near the hour at which the good Mr. Leprohon is in the habit of visiting us. Will you,” said I, “promise to stand by me on what I shall ask him on this subject? I hope to get from him a pledge that we will not be compelled to be polluted in the confessional by the women who will confess to us. The purity and holiness of our superior is of such a high character, that I am sure he has never said a word to females on those degrading matters. In spite of all the theologians, Mr. Leprohon will allow us to keep our tongues and our hearts, as well as our bodies, pure in the confessional.”

“I have had the desire to speak to him on this subject for some time,” rejoined Desaulnier, “but my courage failed me every time I attempted to do so. I am glad, therefore, that you are to break the ice, and I will certainly support you, as I have a longing desire to know something more in regard to the mysteries of the confessional. If we be at liberty never to speak to women on those horrors, I will consent to serve the Church as a priest; but if not, I will never be a priest.”

A few minutes after this our superior entered, to kindly inquire how we had rested the night before. Having thanked him for his kindness, I opened the volumes of Dens and Liguori, which were on our table, and, with a blush, putting my fingers on one of the infamous chapters referred to, I said to him:

“After God, you have the first place in my heart since my mother’s death, and you know it. I take you, not only as my benefactor, but also, as it were, as my father and mother. You will therefore tell me all I want to know in these my hours of anxiety, through which God is pleased to make me pass. To follow your advice, not to say your commands, I have lately consented to receive the order of sub-deacon, and I have in consequence taken the vow of perpetual celibacy. But I will not conceal the fact from you that I had not a clear understanding of what I was then doing; and Desaulnier has just stated to me, that until recently he had no more idea of the nature of that promise, nor of the difficulties which we now see ahead of us in our priestly life, than I had.

“But Dens, Liguori and St. Thomas have given us notions quite new in regard to many things. They have directed our minds to the knowledge of the laws which are in us, as well as in every other child of Adam. They have, in a word, directed our minds into regions which were quite new and unexplored by us; and I dare say that every one of those whom we have known, whether in this house or elsewhere, who have made the same vow, could tell the same tale.

“However, I do not speak for them; I speak only for myself and Desaulnier. For God’s sake, please tell us if we will be bound in conscience to speak in the confessional, to the married and unmarried females, on such impure and defiling questions as are contained in the theologians before us?”