Alfred took this hint, and said artfully, “Mine was a thoughtless remark: of course a gentleman of your experience can test the mind on any subject, however trivial.” He added piteously, “Still, if you would but leave the poets, who are all half crazy themselves, and examine me in the philosophers of Antiquity. Surely it would be a higher criterion.”
Dr. Wycherley explained in a patronising whisper, “He labours under an abnormal contempt for poetry, dating from his attack. Previously to that he actually obtained a prize poem himself.”
“Well, doctor, and after that am I wrong to despise poetry?”
They might have comprehended this on paper, but spoken it was too keen for them all three. The visitors stared. Dr. Wycherley came to their aid “You might examine my young friend for hours and not detect the one crevice in the brilliancy of his intellectual armour.”
The maniac made a face as one that drinketh verjuice suddenly. “For pity's sake, doctor, don't be so inaccurate. Say a spot on the brilliancy, or a crevice in the armour; but not a crevice in the brilliancy. My good friend here, gentlemen, deals in conjectural certificates and broken metaphors. He dislocates more tropes, to my sorrow, than even his friend Shakespeare, whom he thinks a greater philosopher than Aristotle, and who calls the murder of an individual sleeper the murder of sleep, confounding the concrete with the abstract, and then talks of taking arms against a sea of troubles; query, a cork jacket and a flask of brandy?”
“Well, Mr. Hardie,” said Dr. Eskell, rather feebly, “let me tell you those passages, which so shock your peculiar notions, are among the most applauded.”
“Very likely, sir,” retorted the maniac, whose logic was up; “but applauded only in a nation where the floods clap their hands every Sunday morning, and we all pray for peace, giving as our exquisite reason that we have got the God of hosts on our side in war.”
Mr. Abbott, the other commissioner, had endured all this chat with an air of weary indifference. He now said to Dr. Wycherley, “I wish to put to you a question or two in private.”
Alfred was horribly frightened: this was the very dodge that had ruined him at Silverton House. “Oh no, gentlemen,” he cried imploringly. “Let me have fair play. You have given me no secret audience; then why give my accuser one? I am charged with a single delusion; for mercy's sake, go to the point at once, and examine me on that head.”
“Now you talk sense,” said Mr. Abbott; as if the previous topics had been chosen by Alfred.