My Wonderful Visit

by Charlie Chaplin

I discovered from the mail that there are 671 relatives of mine in England that I knew nothing about.

The greater part of these were cousins, and they gave very detailed family-tree tracings in support of their claims. All of them wished to be set up in business or to get into the movies.

But the cousins did not have a monopoly on the relationships. There were brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles, and there were nine claiming to be my mother, telling wondrous adventure stories about my being stolen by gipsies when a baby or being left on doorsteps, until I began to think my youth had been a very hectic affair. But I did not worry much about these last, as I had left a perfectly good mother back in California, and so far I have been pretty much satisfied with her.

There were letters addressed just to Charles Chaplin, some to King Charles, some to the "King of Mirth"; on some there was drawn the picture of a battered derby; some carried a reproduction of my shoes and cane; and in some there was stuck a white feather with the question as to what I was doing during the war?

Would I visit such and such institutions? Would I appear for such and such charity? Would I kick off the football season or attend some particular Soccer game? Then there were letters of welcome and one enclosing an iron cross inscribed, "For your services in the Great War," and "Where were you when England was fighting?"

Then there were others thanking me for happiness given the senders. These came by the thousand. One young soldier sent me four medals he had gotten during the big war. He said that he was sending them because I had never been properly recognised. His part was so small and mine so big, he said, that he wanted me to have his Croix de Guerre, his regimental and other medals.

Some of the letters were most interesting. Here are a few samples:

Dear Mr. Chaplin,—You are a leader in your line and I am a leader in mine. Your speciality is moving pictures and custard pies. My speciality is windmills.

I know more about windmills than any man in the world. I have studied the winds all over the world and am now in a position to invent a windmill that will be the standard mill of the world, and it will be made so it can be adapted to the winds of the tropics and the winds of the arctic regions.

I am going to let you in on this in an advantageous way. You have only to furnish the money. I have the brains, and in a few years I will make you rich and famous. You had better 'phone me for quick action.