Lilias looked down and tried to speak, but she was choked by her tears; she could not bear Claude’s displeasure, and she wept in silence. At last she said in a voice broken by sobs, ‘I was unjust—I know Eleanor was all kindness—all self-sacrifice—I have been very ungrateful—I wish I could help it—and you know well, Claude, how far I am from regarding dear Harry with indifference—how the thought of him is a star in my mind—how happy it makes me to think of him at the end of the Church Militant Prayer; do not believe I was dreaming of him.’
‘And pray,’ said Claude, laughing in his own good-humoured way, ‘which of us is it that she is so willing to lose?’
‘Oh! Claude, no such thing,’ said Lily, ‘you know what I meant, or did not mean. It was nonsense—I hope nothing worse.’ Lily felt that she might take his arm again. There was a little silence, and then Lily resumed in a timid voice, ‘I do not know whether you will be angry, Claude, but honestly, I do not think that if—that Eleanor would be so wretched about you as I should.’
‘Eleanor knew Harry better than you did; no, Lily, I never could have been what Harry was, even if I had never wasted my time, and if my headaches had not interfered with my best efforts.’
‘I do not believe that, say what you will,’ said Lily.
‘Ask William, then,’ said Claude, sighing.
‘I am sure papa does not think so,’ said Lily; ‘no, I cannot feel that Harry is such a loss when we still have you.’
‘Oh! Lily, it is plain that you never knew Harry,’ said Claude. ‘I do not believe you ever did—that is one ting to be said for you.’
‘Not as you did,’ said Lily; ‘remember, he was six years older. Then think how little we saw of him whilst they were abroad; he was always at school, or spending the holidays with Aunt Robert, and latterly even farther off, and only coming sometimes for an hour or two to see us. Then he used to kiss us all round, we went into the garden with him, looked at him, and were rather afraid of him; then he walked off to Wat Greenwood, came back, wished us good-bye, and away he went.’
‘Yes,’ said Claude, ‘but after they came home?’