Ethel was too much terrified to know where she was, or anything, but that she had let her little brother run into fearful peril, and grievously angered her father; she was afraid to follow him, and stood still, annihilated, and in despair, till roused by his return; then, with a stifled sob, she exclaimed, “Oh, papa!” and could get no further for a gush of tears.
But the anger of the shock of terror was over, and Dr. May was sorry for her tears, though still he could not but manifest some displeasure. “Yes, Ethel,” he said, “it was a frightful thing,” and he could not but shudder again. “One moment later! It is an escape to be for ever thankful for—poor little fellow!—but, Ethel, Ethel, do let it be a warning to you.”
“Oh, I hope—I’ll try—” sobbed Ethel.
“You have said you would try before.”
“I know I have,” said Ethel, choked. “If I could but—”
“Poor child,” said Dr. May sadly; then looking earnestly at her, “Ethel, my dear, I am afraid of its being with you as—as it has been with me;” he spoke very low, and drew her close to him. “I grew up, thinking my inbred heedlessness a sort of grace, so to say, rather manly—the reverse of finikin. I was spoiled as a boy, and my Maggie carried on the spoiling, by never letting me feel its effects. By the time I had sense enough to regret this as a fault, I had grown too old for changing of ingrain, long-nurtured habits—perhaps I never wished it really. You have seen,” and his voice was nearly inaudible, “what my carelessness has come to—let that suffice at least, as a lesson that may spare you—what your father must feel as long as he lives.”
He pressed his hand tightly on her shoulder, and left her, without letting her see his face. Shocked and bewildered, she hurried upstairs to Margaret. She threw herself on her knees, felt her arms round her, and heard her kind soothing, and then, in broken words, told how dreadful it had been, and how kind papa had been, and what he had said, which was now the uppermost thought. “Oh, Margaret, Margaret, how very terrible it is! And does papa really think so?”
“I believe he does,” whispered Margaret.
“How can he, can he bear it!” said Ethel, clasping her hands. “Oh! it is enough to kill one—I can’t think why it did not!”
“He bears it,” said Margaret, “because he is so very good, that help and comfort do come to him. Dear papa! He bears up because it is right, and for our sakes, and he has a sort of rest in that perfect love they had for each other. He knows how she would wish him to cheer up and look to the end, and support and comfort are given to him, I know they are; but oh, Ethel! it does make one tremble and shrink, to think what he has been going through this autumn, especially when I hear him moving about late at night, and now and then comes a heavy groan—whenever any especial care has been on his mind.”