“I don’t mind anything while you trust me,” said Norman, eagerly; “not much I mean, except Mr. Wilmot. You must judge, papa, and do as you please.”
“No, you must judge, Norman. Your confidence in me ought not to be a restraint. It has always been an understood thing that what you say at home is as if it had not been said, as regards my dealings with the masters.”
“I know, papa. Well, I’ll tell you what brought me to this. I tumbled about all night in a rage, when I thought how they had served me, and of Hoxton’s believing it all, and how he might only half give in to your representation, and then I gloried in Anderson’s coming down from his height, and being seen in his true colours. So it went on till morning came, and I got up. You know you gave me my mother’s little ‘Thomas a Kempis’. I always read a bit every morning. To-day it was, ‘Of four things that bring much inward peace’. And what do you think they were?—
“‘Be desirous, my son, to do the will of another
rather than thine own.
Choose always to have less rather than more.
Seek always the lowest place, and to be inferior
to everyone.
Wish always and pray that the will of God may be
wholly fulfilled in thee.’
“I liked them the more, because it was just like her last reading with us, and like that letter. Well, then I wondered as I lay on the grass at Groveswood, whether she would have thought it best for me to be reinstated, and I found out that I should have been rather afraid of what you might say when she had talked it over with you.”
Dr. May smiled a little at the simplicity with which this last was said, but his smile ended in one of his heavy sighs. “So you took her for your counsellor, my boy. That was the way to find out what was right.”
“Well, there was something in the place and, in watching poor Lake’s windows, that made me not able to dwell so much on getting on, and having prizes and scholarships. I thought that caring for those had been driven out of me, and you know I never felt as if it were my right when I was made dux; but now I find it is all come back. It does not do for me to be first; I have been what she called elated, and been more peremptory than need with the lower boys, and gone on in my old way with Richard, and so I suppose this disgrace has come to punish me. I wish it were not disgrace, because of our name at school, and because it will vex Harry so much; but since it is come, considering all things, I suppose I ought not to struggle to justify myself at other people’s expense.”
His eyes were so dazzled with tears that he could hardly see to drive, nor did his father speak at first. “I can’t say anything against it, Norman, but I am sorry, and one thing more you should consider. If Dr. Hoxton should view this absurd business in the way he seems to do, it will stand in your way for ever in testimonials, if you try for anything else.”
“Do you think it will interfere with my having a Confirmation ticket?”
“Why no, I should not think—such a boyish escapade could be no reason for refusing you one.”