We opened the front doors and out we went. The folks let out a laugh; a couple of fellows cheered. Some kids that were hanging around began to holler at us, and it made me mad, but Mark let on he didn’t hear. He climbed up on his platform and looked at the folks without saying a word. A kid on the other side of the street yelled, “Look at what’s tryin’ to be a auctioneer,” and folks laughed some more.
I saw Mark sort of squint up his eyes and pinch his cheek.
“Aw,” yelled the same kid, “better git started ’fore the box busts in.”
If there’s one thing Mark hates it’s having anybody joke him about being fat. He squinted his eyes so you could hardly see them and waddled up to the edge of his platform.
“L-ladies and gentlemen,” he stuttered, “the auction is about to commence, but before the first article can be sold I got to have a boy to help me.” He looked all around, and then pretended he just saw the kid that had been yelling at him. “Sam Jenks,” says he, “will you come here and help me just a m-minute?”
Sam puffed up important-like and pushed his way across the road and scrambled up by Mark, and Mark took hold of his arm. When you look at Mark he don’t seem to be anything but fat, but he’s strong. He’s got a grip in his fingers like you wouldn’t believe.
“L-ladies and gentlemen,” says he, again, “I have the p-pleasure of presentin’ to your notice a ree-markable spectacle. This is it,” says he, pointing to Sam. “It l-looks like a boy. It’s got arms and legs and a head. But it hain’t really a boy, ladies and gentlemen. It’s nothin’ but a noise. In the mornin’ this n-noise gits up and starts to goin’; it goes all day; and it don’t stop at night, ’cause it snores.” Everybody hollered and laughed fit to kill, and Sam tried to pull himself away, but Mark hung on to him. “It’s a novelty, ladies and gentlemen. Nobody in Wicksville ever owned such a thing—so I’m a-goin’ to auction it off.”
“Lemme go,” says Sam, wiggling like a basketful of eels.
“The defect in this article,” says Mark, “is that it’s jest noise. We can’t guarantee that b-brains goes with it. If you buy, it’s at your own risk.”
Well, sir, you should have heard those folks laugh, and you should have seen Sam’s face. You could have auctioned him pretty cheap if you sold him for as much as he felt like.