“Let me see; I was goin’ to tell you about gettin’ married. You knew her, Hank. You remember when we got a job again after the strike and you know the little restaurant where we used to board? Well, you remember she was waitin’ on the table. All the boys knew her and they all liked her too; she was always real friendly and jolly with all of us, but she was all right. Of course she couldn’t have got much wages there for it was only a cheap place where the railroad boys et, but somehow she always seemed to keep herself fixed up pretty well. I never thought much about her, only to kind of jolly her like the rest of the boys, until the time she got that red waist and done her hair up with them red ribbons. I don’t know anything about how it was, but them seemed to ketch my eye and I commenced goin’ with her, and used to get off as early as I could from the yards, and when she got through washin’ the supper things we used to go out and take street-car rides, and go for walks in the parks, and stay out late almost every night.
“Finally I made up my mind that I wanted to settle down and have a home. Of course I knew ‘twould be more confinin’, but then I thought ‘twould be better. So one night when we was out walkin’ I kind of brought it ‘round some way and asked her to marry me. I was surprised when she said she would, because she was so much nicer than me or any of the rest of the boys; but she said she would right straight off, and then I asked when it had better be and she said she didn’t see any use waitin’, so long as it was goin’ to be done. Of course, I hadn’t thought of its comin’ right away, and I wa’n’t really prepared because I was considerable in debt and would like to’ve paid up first. I told her how I was fixed and she said that didn’t make any difference, that she’d always heard that two could live as cheap as one, and she was savin’ and a good manager and it wouldn’t cost us much to start, for she’d noticed the signs in the street cars about four rooms furnished for ninety-five dollars with only five dollars down, and we wouldn’t need but three rooms anyway. Then, after I’d asked her to marry me and had made up my mind to do it there wa’n’t no excuse for waitin’, so the next Sunday we went over to St. Joe and got married. She asked me if I didn’t think that was just as good as any way.
“When we come back we rented three rooms down near the yards for ten dollars a month, and went down to the store to buy the furniture, but the clerk made us think that so long as we was just startin’ and I had a good job we ought to get better things than the ninety-five dollars, so we spent one hundred and fifty dollars and agreed to pay ten dollars a month, and the furniture was to be theirs until it was paid for.
“Well, we started in to keep house and got along pretty well at first. She was a good housekeeper and savin’ and I kind of liked bein’ married. Of course, it cost us a little more’n I expected, and when I came to buy clothes and shoes and pay grocery bills I found that two couldn’t live as cheap as one, but I hadn’t any doubt but that she thought they could. I guess all women does. Then I got hurt and was laid off for two months and couldn’t pay the installments, and got behind on my rent, and got in debt at the store, and this made it pretty hard. When I went to work I paid all I had, but somehow I never could catch up.
“Well, about that time the kid was born, and then we had to have the doctor and I had to get a hired girl for a week, for I wanted to do everything I could for her, and that all kept me back. Then they commenced threatenin’ to take the furniture away, and every week the collector came ‘round and I did all I could, but somehow I couldn’t make it come out even.
“I s’pose you don’t see what all this has got to do with my killin’ her, and I don’t think I quite see myself, but still I want to tell it all. Sometimes I think if I hadn’t been so poor and in debt I never would have done it, and I don’t believe I would. I was so much in debt that I felt sorry when I knew we was goin’ to have the child. I didn’t see how we could bring it up and make anything out of it, and how it could ever have any better chance than I had. And then she’d been doin’ a little work to help out on the furniture, and I knew that she couldn’t do any more after that. But still as soon as the child was born I was always glad of it, and used to think more about him than anyone else, and I would have done anything I could for him. She liked him, too, and was always good to him, and no matter what I say about her I can’t say that she didn’t treat the boy all right.
“Well, after the kid was about a year old we began to have trouble. She was always complainin’ that I didn’t bring home enough money. She said I went ‘round too much nights and that I drank too much beer and chewed too much tobacco and smoked too much, and she complained ‘most all the time, and then I got mad and we had a row. I don’t mean to blame her, ‘specially after what happened, and since I’ve been here so long doin’ nothin’ but countin’ the days and waitin’ for my lawyer to come, I’ve had time to think of ever’thing a good deal more than I ever did before. And I don’t say she was to blame. I s’pose it was hard for her, too. Of course, the rooms was small and they was awful hot in the summer and cold in the winter, and then the collectors was always comin’ ‘round, and I used to be tired when I got home, and I was so blue that I said things without really knowin’ that I said ‘em. Ain’t you done that when somebody was talkin’ to you and your mind was on somethin’ else, kind of answered ‘em back without knowin’ what they said or what you said? I presume I was cross a good many times and mebbe it was as hard for her as ‘twas for me. Of course, I used to wish I’d never got married and that I was boardin’ back there to the restaurant when I didn’t have all the debts; and I s’pose she’d been better off back there too, waitin’ on the table; anyhow she always looked better in them days than she did after we was married, so I guess she must have got more money at the restaurant than I gave her. But after the boy was born I never really wished we wa’n’t married, for I always thought of him and knew he never would have been born if we hadn’t got married; but of course, that didn’t keep us from fightin’. I don’t mean that we fought all the time. Sometimes when I got home she was as nice as she could be, and had supper all ready, and we’d read the newspaper and talk and have a real good time; but then, again somethin’ would happen to put us out and we’d fight. I can’t say that she always begun it. I guess I begun it a good many times. I found fault because the bills was too big and the way things was cooked, and the way she looked, and, of course, if I said anything she got mad and answered back. I’ve thought a lot about our fights and that awful one we had last, and I don’t believe one of ‘em would have happened if it hadn’t been for the money. Of course, I s’pose other people would make some other excuses for their fights and that no one would be to blame if you would let ‘em tell it themselves, but I’m ‘most sure that if I’d only been gettin’ money enough to keep a hired girl and live in a good place, and get good clothes and dress her and the boy the way they ought to have been, and not get in debt, we wouldn’t have fought.
“The debts kep’ gettin’ bigger all the time and I begun to get scared for fear the furniture would be took away—we hadn’t paid more’n half up and then there was a good deal of interest. I went one day to see a lawyer, but he didn’t tell me anything that done me any good and I had to pay him ten dollars out of my next month’s wages, so that made me all the worse off. Lawyers get their money awful easy, don’t they? I always wished I could be a lawyer and if I had my life to live over again I would be one if I could.
“It seemed as if things kep’ gettin’ worse at home and I stayed out a good many nights because I didn’t want a row for I knew there’d be one as soon as I got home. So far most of our fightin’ had been only jawin’ back an’ forth. Once she threw a dish at me and I slapped her in the face, but didn’t hurt her, and I guess she didn’t try hard to hit me with the dish; anyhow if she had wanted to she was near enough so she could.
“One night though, I come home pretty late. I’d been out with the boys to a caucus and we had drunk quite a bit. The alderman was running again and had got us a keg of beer. I didn’t really know what I was doin’ when I came in. I was hopin’ she’d be in bed but she was waitin’ for me when I come in and said: ‘There comes my drunkard again. This is a pretty time of night to get home! You’d better go back to your drunken cronies and stay the rest of the night,’—and a lot of more things like that. I told her to shut up and go to bed, but that made her madder and then she called me a lot of names. I told her to stop or I’d choke her, but she kep’ right on talkin’, callin’ me a drunkard and all kinds of names, and tellin’ me how I’d treated her and the boy; I couldn’t make her keep still; the more I threatened her the more she talked. Finally she said, ‘You cowardly brute, I dare you to touch me!’ and she kind of come right up to where I was. Of course I didn’t really half think what I was doin’, but I drawed off and hit her in the face with my fist. I guess I hit her pretty hard; anyhow she fell on the floor, and I ran up to her to pick her up, but she said, ‘Leave me alone, you coward,’ and then I was madder’n ever and I kicked her. The next day she went to the police court and had me arrested. The judge was awful hard on me, told me if he had his way ‘bout it he’d have a law made to have wife-beaters whipped with a cat-o’-nine tails in the public square, and he fined me one hundred dollars.