Baxter paused a moment and adjusted his spectacles. "Think I'm a pretty good feller, don't ye? Well, yer wrong. Look at my friend, Fitz-Brown, my wife's second cousin once removed. Up to his ears in debt—always has been. Ain't that a shame! My wife's second cousin once removed!"
The old boy leaned forward earnestly, his big, strong chin on his big, strong hand and in his kindly, homely way addressed the gentleman in question who was pulling fiercely at his yellow mustache.
"Now, friend Lionel, I'm goin' to show ye how ye can always have money enough and never have any more debts or bother."
This roused the monocled one to genuine enthusiasm. "I say, I'll be awfully pleased," he responded.
"I'll do it. And I'm goin' to show you," Hiram Baxter turned sharply to the curate, "how you can cure that tired feelin' and hold a preachin' job for more'n five consecutive minutes."
"Oh, thank you, sir," murmured Horatio.
"And I'm goin' to show you ladies how to be happy. Yes, sir. Trouble with you is yer bored to death. That's why ye want to go kitin' around to Monte Carlo and Jerusalem. I'll fix it so ye can't ever be bored."
"I wish you could," laughed Kate.
"My dear Countess," reproved Harriet, "if Cousin Hiram agrees to do a thing you can depend upon him absolutely."
"It ain't necessary to go into details, but each one of you knows what ye've had from me straight and regular every year for the last five years. It makes quite a total, ten thousand pounds or more, fifty thousand dollars that I've spent tryin' to get you people on yer feet, and I ain't ever been able to do it. Each year yer in worse'n the year before, and it's all my fault. Want to know why? Because I've been tryin' to help ye on the European plan, which ain't worth shucks; but I've had my eyes opened, and now I'm goin' to change and help ye on the good old-fashioned American plan, warranted never to fail."