Frequently two people fall so madly in “love” soon after meeting that they feel they must marry immediately. This tendency is so well known that most marriage counselors rightfully question if a state of true love exists when the two people feel they will die if they don’t get married tomorrow or next week. Real love can wait. It can make sacrifices; it is not something that has to be rushed. The more urgent the desire to get married immediately, the greater the likelihood that it is infatuation and that the infatuation may die out as abruptly as it sprang into being.
But why, you may ask, is love at first sight so improbable? Why can’t you fall in love as easily immediately as you can after weeks of knowing each other?
Here we get to the essence of love, which Webster’s dictionary defines as: “Desire for, and earnest effort to promote the welfare of, another.” Love is not a trap you fall into. It is a state of respect for and comradeship with another that has developed from the fact that you both have similar tastes, ideals and yearnings. Such comradeship cannot come as a result of one date.
Cynics have said that “love is of all feelings the most egoistic and consequently is, when crossed, the least generous.” That assumes love is possessive and selfish. Genuine love as we understand it today is the medium through which the fullest development of the personalities of a man and woman may take place. And it involves a keen desire for the welfare of the loved person. There is nothing egoistic about real love!
Here briefly are some conditions that are usually present before love can develop:
—The two persons have had experiences together that have caused each to react favorably to the other.
—They have each found present in the other qualities, standards and ideals which they admire.
—Their sexual feelings have been so favorably conditioned, without their realizing it, that they find great pleasure just in being in each other’s presence.
—Each one in some way fulfills some of the motives that are of importance to the other, such as desire for social approval or, with a man, mastery.